Dating someone with bpd forums

---

I've been seeing this girl for the past 4 months, and she is great, she's smart, she's beautiful, we have lots in common, and I haven't felt so naturally drawn to one woman in my 21 years of life. Basically, it's a personality disorder that at times makes her highly impulsive, overly clingy and sometimes very angry for no particular reason. She is on a lot of medication for it, and most of the time is fine, but she has her moments where she just loses it. She also has a history of self-harm and used to cut herself, but doesn't anymore.

She told me it all stems from when she was until she was diagnosed at 16, her Mother used to force her into Beauty Pageants, and she told me that her Mother would often force her to stay in her room for the 24 hours- sometimes more leading up the pageant, so she wouldn't eat any junk food without her Mother knowing and "Get fat".

Which caused her to become paranoid about her self-image and became a bulimic from the age of 13 until she was She is still far too self-conscious, but is no longer a bulimic. Anyway, even though she lives at home, she has still been staying over at my place a lot, the past month. To the point where she is practically living with me.

Welcome to Reddit,

She doesn't work, but neither do I. Her rage is probably the biggest issue though. Just yesterday, we were putting away the dishes, and I put a fork, where the spoons should have been, and she just flipped out. It was like all her inner rage was coming out, she was pretty vicious verbally and wouldn't listen to reason, and even threw a plate at me which I managed to duck out of the way of luckily. She sort of immediatly realised what she did and started crying and apologising and threw herself at me, so I just held her for what was seriously like 30 minutes.

The anger though was completely unexpected and pretty scary, and got me thinking, you know?

Dating someone with BPD (borderline personality disorder)

I really do like her a lot, more than any other woman I have been in a relationship with, because her REAL personality- when not having an outburst or going through a mood is amazing, and I have to say the sex is the best I have ever had, because she uses it as a way to release pent-up anger which is pretty wild. But I am not sure if I am ready to be in a relationship with a chick with so much baggage.

MODERATORS

What would you all do in my situation? And Have any of you been in a relationship with someone with BPD or other mental disorders, and if so, how did you handle it? Meds try to counter it. Last edited by MichaelScarn; at THey also tend to mirror you, so i would question if the good side of her, is actually her real personality as well. First, read this thread: A lot of you know myself and WVUskinsfan Next, you need to seriously sit down and think about whether you are willing to put yourself through this or if you need to cut ties right now.

And cut ties means cut ties. No matter the tantrums or threats to you or to herself.

Last edited by Cry Me A River; at Stick around if you're happy with living a rollercoaster walk-on-eggshells life full of maddening lows, or if you can't conceivably find anyone else. It doesn't seem impossible that she could kill you, which means if you respect yourself, leave.

Why would you date someone with BPD? : BPD

For you, learning not to take the verbal abuse personally is key. Don't fuel the fire by responding in a negative way. Tell her she is right but you can't make her feel like you are placating her. Be sincere but non combative.

If you plan on being with her then therapy And a good thetapist is a must. You only know the tip of the iceberg of what you're in for if you stay with this. My mother is BPD. Seems like this crazy gf motif comes up a lot. It's so obvious that she's gonna cause you all kinds of trouble, and only you know if you think her up side is worth it to you. Your main mistake is thinking that the anger isnt part of her personality, it is , and you will have to deal with it at some point much more often than you would expect.

Dating someone with that kind of issue is pretty similar to playing poker , you think you can handle running bad because you never ran bad enough to understand it, but at some point maybe she ll get worse or you wont be strong enough to deal with it. You know the answer to your question but can you accept that answer. So wait, she is clinky, has mother issues, self image issues, and gets emotional for no apparent reason? Sounds like most women. These girls are taught from day 1 of their life that they are daddy's perfect little princess, surroundings themselves with do-boys and alpha bitches.

Ah, dear, I feel for you. It's a tough road to follow. The short answer to your problem is, as a poster above put it, therapy. If she's presently in therapy, you have a chance at a successful, long term relationship. If not in therapy, walk away. And this will be a tough thing to do, because of her clingy-ness. One of the most difficult and frustrating and self-perpetuating things about dealing with a borderline is their difficulty, and sometimes total inability to trust.

Which is why she needs therapy. To give an example: She says, "Do you think I'm pretty? It's not your fault. It's her inability to trust you, or anyone at this point. She was conditioned this way. She cannot trust those closest to her, because, look at her track record. Through a good therapist, she can learn to trust herself and her choices, because, right now, that little voice in her head is not very trustworthy. Medication alone cannot 'fix' this.

If she learns to trust her therapist, and then herself, there's a good chance you can have a successful relationship with her. Other comorbid issues such as depression or anxiety can be managed by medication, but any underlying personality disorder requires fairly intensive therapy to make any changes. So is she in therapy? If not, you need to understand this will not get better. You cannot fix this or her. These are long entrenched patterns of thinking and behaving and even if she recognizes in other moments that she doesn't want to act that way, nothing will change without some sort of treatment.

She won't just be exactly like she is minus the crazy. That's not the way it works. Only you can determine if being with someone who has significant personality problems is something you are willing to do. I think most people would prefer something easier, because being with her would take a tremendous amount of work and patience. If that's something you are willing to do then best of luck, but I might suggest you have people you can talk to as your own support system as well. My ex-wife has BPD.

She threw a remote at me and hit me in the head just after we got engaged because an old girlfriend said Hi to me. She shattered a drinking glass on my shoulder. She cut my head open with a coffee mug I later passed out from loss of blood. She cut my eye with her engagement ring when she hit me while we were on our way to couples therapy.

She hit me over the head with a wooden table leg. She cheated on me multiple times with multiple guys. She disappeared with my son for 6 weeks when he was 3 because she was mad at me. She alienated all of our friends, including two separate churches we attended. She cut herself throughout our time together 13 years and continually threatened suicide. She threatened to leave every few months because I "wasn't doing enough" even though I worked full-time and took care of the kids and house when I got home.

She eventually left and took the kids. She's an expert manipulator and liar and was able to convince the courts to give her custody. Since then 6 years she's had many boyfriends and just recently up and moved to a town right on the Canadian border over 5 hours from me. I'm just waiting for the day she disappears into Canada with my kids.

There's lots more, but notice the patterns of abusive behavior which you're seeing , impulsiveness which you're seeing , self-harm which you're seeing , manipulation which IS happening to you - are you seeing it though? Everything was always someone else's fault. It requires years of intense therapy. I don't care how amazing she is. Do not stay involved with her. You cannot even stay friends with her while she works through this because you'll only confuse her and make it harder for her to deal with her issues.

Cut it off now. I'm sure part of you feels like you're helping her by "being there for her". You're just enabling her. She has been irreplaceably valuable in helping me internalize my identity again. In turn, when I am strong enough for her challenges and can weather her storm without eroding, it brings her peace and security. I love my wife and want that for her, yet I do so for myself as I love me and must be "me" regardless of the world around me- boldly, balanced, and with integrity. I believe BPD relationships require either a narcissistic selfishly self, or a selflessly selfish SO with strength, compassion, and healthy boundaries.

A 'non' could be with either, or the gamut in between.

Want to add to the discussion?

That doesn't mean BPD sufferers cannot be loved, they have a BS barrier and require the right partner. I am thankful for the life growth my wife requires and appreciate the challenges she needed me to rise above, because I like who I am. She didn't ruin me, but she needs a better man than who I was- I decided I needed to be that man. I'm not lying when I say that even in the months since, while there are still problems and struggles, we are happy and improving.

Her symptoms respond well when I can be above the attacks and end the circlejerk of anger at being angry, frustrated at frustrated, etc..

• romance dating games
• older gay dating app
• dating and marriage in china
• dating sites in st cloud mn
• best dating zodiac signs
• virtual dating pc games