Advice friend dating married man

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My husband and I are close friends with another couple. We have a six-year old boy, and they have two children, an eight-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. For years, now, the kids have socialized, because we socialize. I know it sounds horribly snobby to say this, but their kids are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

Is there a way to deal with this without jeopardizing our relationship with our friends? I see two courses of action for you, PP. The first is to begin to limit the amount of time your kids spend together.

Friend involved with a married man. Advice?

You can do this under the guise of wanting to renew your adult friendship. Start suggesting getting baby-sitters and spending time out as grown-ups. My mother and father literally didn't bother to get divorced for another decade. You don't get to make a universal declaration about how "us singles" can or should operate.

My Friend is 'Dating' a Married Man

You get to make decisions about your own behavior. You do not get to hector other people's about theirs. If you cannot live with a friend's choices, you exit quietly and with as little drama as possible. There are no points for making a moral stand. My parents were separated; my Dad met someone; she was initially concerned that he was separated but not divorced; she decided to trust him and told the friends who were pressuring her to mind their own business; and my parents were able to negotiate the logistics and finances of their divorce on their own timeline.

Her patience saved the rest of the family a lot of drama forcing a home sale immediately rather than after my Mom found a new place , and I'm really grateful to her for that. I think there are points for making a moral stand about, like, child abuse, or securities fraud, stuff like that. In this case I think you overstepped. She's not breaking up a marriage and I just don't understand why you think yours is the virtuous stance.

For all you know she could be the best thing about this guy's life right now and an important part of his emotional recovery from a traumatically bad marriage. That said, if you find her detestable then don't be her friend, that's a choice you get to make. It doesn't matter if you overstepped or not. You identified something in this friendship which was stressing you out and making you unhappy, so you ended the friendship. That's always the right thing to do.

SHE was the one always bringing it up and asking me advice. And Wow, I guess I am surprised so many people are ok with single people dating married people. I feel like everything in the world is turning upside down on everything anymore. Like things are all backwards anymore. I guess I just don't fit in anymore.

Your opinions line up with some people's and not with others'. There's not a monolithic morality in the US where I think you are though there may be within some subcultures.

(Closed) My best friend is having an affair with a married man

More to the point, there are edge case situations mine is uncannily similar to DarlingBri, my parents were married for another few decades after the separated, stayed together for I don't remember health insurance or whatever that may be central to some people's lives. And some of those people are here. So I wouldn't worry too much about this. It's fine to set your own boundaries with a friend and within your own personal relationships as you have done. It's just also useful to understand that those values belong to you and not necessarily to the entire world so sometimes you may want to make different choices in how you prioritize, say, your feelings about marriage versus your feelings about friendship.

As I said, I think you made the right decision for you. Life is frequently more complex than we would like it to be. Is probably why divorce is not being actively pursued. At the end of the day, though, it's up to you what you want in your life and don't want in your life, so if you feel relieved by the decision you made, then it's the right one for you. A lot of people stay married for legal reasons, like health care for a disabled child or adult for years after the relationship is over.

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me if it was some reason like that. In this day and age separated is enough for dating. As long as they really are separated and he's not in town for work and making up a story. In the end it's the same - you get to shun whomever you want - but there'd be a lot more people agreeing that this woman is shun-worthy. This sounds like a woman dating a man whose marriage is over and has moved to a different city and is moving on.

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It's not the same thing as homewrecking. And plenty of people here have experience with long separations and are explaining why it's not the same thing as being party to the breakup of a marriage. I don't disagree with your take on possible risks to your friend in this situation. People can be fairly confused fresh off a split like that, and they do sometimes get back together with their exes.

If she's in her late 40s, and into this for love , sure, it'd be ideal if she had a clear indication that she was this guy's 1 priority. A divorce would certainly indicate that, though as people are saying, there might be complications and variations that don't exclude non-divorce from good intentions.

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And he does live in a different city from his ex, which absent some other explanation is a pretty good sign he's keen to move on. I think it's a little worrying that she's so full of butterflies that she's actively avoiding thinking about the possibility, though. But I'm also wondering if she actually meant that even if he is attempting reconciliation with his wife, that she would still want to date him, and that it did not matter to her because she likes him THAT much.

I guess I might have focused less on judgment and more on concern for her.

But yeah, this horse doesn't want to drink your water! I might have drawn some kind of boundary though, if her level of need got to be overwhelming, probably temporarily.

Maybe I'd have suggested counselling or something. I don't think it's a great situation, but what heyjude said is probably why it's going on.

But if you can't take having to hear about that situation, it's probably good if you nope out now. Ach yeah I have seen this happen. The deceit went on for almost a year. Devastated my friend who is incredibly open-minded and readily accepted his modern explanations of his modern arrangement It's a valid concern. What I would have done: In my experience, I've never found that friends and acquaintances really want relationship advice when they ask for it, they just want validation. I try to listen as best I can and change the topic if I feel unable to refrain from saying something negative.

Friend involved with a married man. Advice? - guyQ by AskMen

If I feel that someone is making a choice that I find absolutely morally reprehensible generally this has happened to me with respect to other values, not relationship choices, but ymmv I stop hanging out with that person. I would caution that being separated and actually going through the process of being divorced are two VERY different things. The former is like any other breakup. The latter is, for some, a hellish, emotionally draining process of turning a relationship you thought was over into a financial transaction.

If she's willing to stick around through that, bob's your uncle. But she should be prepared for what she's in for. People put off getting divorced for all sorts of reasons that don't involve cheating on their separated spouse. In your shoes, I'd have bought up my concerns once, maybe twice if she absolutely insisted and then dropped the whole thing and let her find out this information about HER relationship as HER relationship evolved. It's not even clear that these two ever met in real life, which is where most people would feel comfortable divulging personal information to a complete stranger.

You seem to have jumped to a conclusion that your friend was helping a married man cheat when you have no idea, so I'm not surprised she got upset. What would I do? I would probably just hope it blows over soon! I am not great at keeping my mouth shut lol. She is wasting her time. It probably seems all exciting and fun right now.. I also agree with PP who said tell the wife. I think it is wrong to date a married man.. If you feel uncomfortable listening about her relationships.. But even in the situation like that nobody has a right to judge others…we never know how our life will turn out..

You are a grown up and will make your own choices. I hope we can still be friends and talk about other things. My Dad started cheating on my Mom when she was in the hospital we thought dying of cancer she pulled through and is still alive 17 years later! I think you should stay out of it. If it really bothers you that much, you could back away from the relationship and set up some boundaries. Spend less time with her, less phone conversations, etc. I agree with how you want to treat the situation. It may hurt her feelings but I would rather be honest with my friend then lie to her face and act like everything is okay and then think bad things about her behind her back.

Maybe that will get it into her head that she is helping this man destroy his family. I tried to be friends with this woman who was having an affair with a married man. Hearing her naive, selfish and foolish words about the affair was just too much for me.

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