Christian dating how long before marriage
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Even the Apostle Paul encouraged the Corinthian believers to marry in order to have a place to find godly sexual satisfaction and thereby avoid sexual immorality 1 Cor.
Finding What’s Right For You
For couples facing the especially strong temptation to have sex with each other, the decision to marry quickly can be wise. The first reason is that having a longer relationship can provide greater perspective with which to choose whether to marry.
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Writer Ashlie Stevens describes in a blog post how she saw this phenomenon produce unhealthy marriages. The one year count-down clock began ticking right then and there. There was no room for casual dating…. A friend of mine who was engaged at 17, called her mom after her honeymoon crying. Having a short relationship creates a greater risk of not knowing your significant other as well as you should or not resolving personal or relational issues that need to be settled before entering into marriage. Especially for individuals who are younger or have less experience with romantic relationships, it may be all the more important to allow more time to develop a sound foundation of relational experience.
Better to discover that before marrying than after. Another reason a longer relationship may be wise is that it can provide greater clarity to the couple. Romantic relationships typically progress in three stages: This is a healthy progression. It includes the strong romantic attraction that binds two people together, but it also develops a healthy knowing between the two that becomes a sound foundation for marriage.
A short relationship has the potential to short circuit this process.
Therefore, seek a trained Christian counselor to discuss the details of your relationship before you get engaged. What do you think? She has a passion for genuine and heartfelt worship and serves as a worship leader at her local church. Since I knew they wanted the best for us, their excitement reinforced my desire to marry Ashley. Sexual desire is good, it just needs to be expressed in marriage.
Strong emotional attraction is typically present throughout a relationship, and those strong feelings can hide personal or relational issues within the individuals or their relationship. I once talked with a friend of mine about how he and his wife felt a strong desire to get married as they pursued their relationship. In light of their strong feelings, they decided to pull the trigger on marrying. Afterward, they quickly discovered challenging issues in their marriage.
How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?
Giving a relationship more time can sometimes help a couple see through the strong feelings and settle critical issues before tying the knot. There are arguments on both sides for either a shorter or longer relationship period. So what timeframe is right for a relationship? Some Christian relationship pundits quantify give a particular number to how long a relationship should last.
Is one year the proper amount of time to teach people to stay within when it comes to getting married? That means the proper timeframe for each relationship is different. It may be wise for such a couple to marry within eight months and unwise for them to try to wait a full year.
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On the other hand, another couple might have significant issues they need to work through during the course of their relationship. Wisdom will reveal a different proper timeframe for each different relationship. Instead of trying to put a number on how long a relationship should be, we should instead practice using wisdom to discern how to best apply the principles that inform how long a given relationship should be. So how do you know what timeframe is right for you and your significant other? Personal Character — Do you and your significant other both demonstrate personal and spiritual maturity?
Do you both understand what marriage is like and what each of you will have to give and sacrifice in order to maintain a healthy marriage?
How Long Should A Relationship Be Before Getting Married?
Are you both willing to serve each other in love? Make sure that both of you have the personal character needed to have a healthy marriage.
If we act like we're married before we've made that commitment, we're I've spoken to numerous “long-dating” couples, in college and beyond. Is 3 years too long to wait to get married? What does the Bible say about how long dating should occur before marriage? Questions like these.
Good Relational Dynamics — Maybe both of you are mature as individuals, but has your relationship grown to maturity as well? Do you know how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner? Do you have a good understanding of your personalities and how their dynamics will influence your marriage? Do you need more time learning how to interact as a team rather than as individuals? Somewhere down the line maybe a few months, or perhaps, years , you decide that you know enough about the person to take that step towards marriage.
There are however, some disadvantages to having a long courtship period. The obvious one is physical intimacy. The desire to get closer physically is sometimes one of the main reasons some Christian couples decide to get married sooner rather than later.
If you love someone and are physically attracted to them, it is only natural to want to take that relationship to the next level physically. Having a long courtship period basically means that you have to wait longer, and not everyone is blessed with the patience to wait. Another possible disadvantage if you choose to see it that way is linked to having children. Women have biological clocks and medically, the older you are, the less fertile you become. If this is something that concerns you particularly, waiting a few years before getting married can be challenging. On this issue, I try to remind people that God is the ultimate giver of children, and if His plan for you includes having kids, then, it will happen.
It is also worth remembering that marriage is first of all about the husband and wife; children are an additional blessing. Whatever the reason, some people decide to trust their instincts or their gut feeling and just go for it. The argument for this is that, sometimes, we over-complicate this whole marriage thing.
Surely the most important thing is that the person loves God, you guys get along and you have some things in common. Being physically attracted to the person obviously helps too. Suddenly you realise that he burps every time he eats, or that she picks her nose when she thinks no one is watching. If you marry someone without taking the time to get to know them, without seeing them in different scenarios, with family and friends, at different times of the year yes, some people are different in the winter compared to the summer , you could be in for more rough patches than you care to count.
This may sound crazy to some people, but is not at all crazy to them. I personally believe it is crucial that you get to know someone as much as possible before getting married to them. Even when two people are right for each other, you can never underestimate the importance of taking the time to get to know each other.