Catholic dating limits

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If you only meant that this rule applies to people just starting a relationship then that changes everything, but from the wording of your post you seem to be saying that people who date should never be alone together until they are married, which I find completely unacceptable. Also, as stated above I can see this rule turning a LOT of people away from wanting a truly Catholic relationship at least, by your definition of a truly Catholic relationship. Rule 4 quoted from above: The devil finds work for idle hands.

Following this rule to the letter means they will never have any time to sit back, reflect on life, and talk about deep, important subjects.

As with rule 2, this rule will result in a shallow, pointless relationship that would be more akin to a friendship than a romantic relationship, and very often would result in a failed marriage due to a lack of meaningful communication. I also find this rule and 2 and 10 to some extent quite belittling and lacking trust for those in the relationship. In these three rules you assume that people have no self-control and should never be subjected to any form of temptation at all because they will most likely fail.

Completely avoiding a problem, such as sexual temptation, is not a proper way of dealing with it. You have to face it head-on sometimes. Rule 10 quoted from above: The physical aspect of the relationship is also very important for building up trust with each other.

Plus, if they get married, then instantly jumping from quick pecks and hugs to sexual intercourse, french kisses, various forms of Catholic-approved foreplay, etc is not going to work; such a scenario will completely overwhelm and scare virtually anyone who tries it. Also, from what I understand this rule goes completely against what the Theology of the Body teaches. Being restricted to pre-teen-stage physical contact such as quick kisses and hugs, without any progression from there, does not allow for a gradually more physical relationship.

And once again, if you are telling people that Catholics are this physically restricted while dating, most people are not going to want to be Catholic. As a concluding remark, I want to emphasize that all the rules other than 2, 4, and 10 are, generally, quite good rules to follow and I thank you for posting them. But, 2, 4, and 10 are excessively restrictive, will turn people away from Catholicism, and seem to actually go against true Catholic teachings since they will result in shallow, non-communicative, non-intimate relationships that would most likely not result in successful marriages.

I strongly encourage you to revisit them and potentially remove them.

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Thanks a lot for publishing the new good stuff for us. I'm not religious in any way and never have been. I'm still in secondary school and doing my GCSEs. The main reason that I have found this post was from research, due to my being attracted to a catholic. We havent spoken all that much but we have similar interests and being with her makes me feel happy. However, this page is very concerning to me.

I am most certainly not bigoted towards any race, religion or creed as long as they don't impose their actions of beliefs on others but reading this makes me worried as to the attitudes of modern day catholics. Many of these tips, specifically 2, 4 and 10, did not sit well with me. You give quick pecks to your grandma or when meeting with a friend, not for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The idea that a small intimate moment such as a cuddle is sinful or will lead to sexual activities is obscene and archaic! How can you be expected to know if you wish to marry someone without ever having held them close or to have actually kissed them?

And no alone time as well.

Generally, i dont like to talk about such things in front of my parents or friends, but i still want to do so in person, preferably alone. Number 3 also seems to say to me that when in a relationship, you pretend sex doesnt exist! That's just being blind! Why on earth would an omnipotent, ethereal being give a crap about what you talk about with your prospective spouse? How does one go about discussing sexual preferences while still following this rule until marriage?

Dont get me wrong, you make some good points that, besides just being common sense, we should try to live by, but to follow some of those rules is just silly and almost God fearing. On behalf of Andrew, Thank you, Jack. You are to be commended for doing research on the religion of the girl you are attracted to.

The same is true of lingering cuddles. Not being alone because that leads to saying things and doing things that are inappropriate. If we were not interested in inappropriate, risky things we would have no problem ensuring we were never alone because there would be nothing to hide.

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For example, a conversation where two people both attached to some else admit their physical attraction to one another in secret —that very secrecy gives a power to their situation it ought not to have. Think of these not as cold rules which limit but as boundaries arising from common sense.

They simply take us back a few decades when boundaries against salacious talk, inappropriate kissing and cuddling were more commonly followed: If we're not teenagers and we visit each other, it might even be that we are from different towns and we sleep under the same roof , while visiting because we need to sleep somewhere but in separate rooms. That's no way a sin nor sinful act. You do know that people in medieval times in Christian Europe even had male visitors sleeping beside their spouse placing only sword between them?

Of course we wouldn't do that anymore, but all I'm saying that is that if you've talked things through and if your faith is bigger than your lust, then you wouldn't even think about stepping over the boundaries.

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And how would you get to know someone if you don't spend the time alone. Walk in the park or in the Zoopark is required. Since marriage is a one time act and the Holy Sacrament you really need to know what you're getting yourself into.

Thanks for the comment. Coming from different towns I am 59 and my marriage was annulled 10 years ago after 25 years and three children. My husband left me for another woman. I was left with debt and life was tough! However, I am fought back to get on top of my life. It is very difficult to find guidance for re-marriage particularly at There are so many questions I need answered because I want to make an informed conscience decision that allows me happiness, love including sex and companionship at 59 as I am in a committed, faithful relationship with a fine, honorable man - we do not live together as we have our own houses and families.

My situation is a growing section of the community and there is no information readily available. As our God is a loving God, I am convinced that God judges individuals case by case at the same time as the Church must teach in absolutes. What options are open to me to educate my conscience truthfully. Dear Buck, Andrew has asked me to answer this, I will try, but I suggest you email me with more detail so I can give a more informed answer.

For the moment all I can say is the following. First of all, well done for seeking to recover from a very difficult situation. Second, in that your marriage was declared null by the Church, you are free to marry in the Church. Third, if your current partner is free to marry either has never married or has had his own marriage declared null and void , you may marry in the Church simply by approaching your own pastor.

This would be the case also if your partner has never been baptised, since any marriage would be of the natural bond rather than the sacramental bond. Until you are married, any sexual activity will be gravely wrong.

I am at a loss as to why you mean by "My situation is a growing section of the community and there is no information readily available. I hope this helps, but i suspect not, as I have little information to work on. And if is not much help, please try emailing me with more details. Please comment using a pseudonym, not as 'anonymous'. If you challenge the Magisterium, please do so respectfully. We reserve the right to delete from comments any inflammatory remarks. If we do not reply to your comment it is through lack of time rather than interest.

Friday, 10 August Catholic Dating: So follow these rules and make sure your companion keeps them too, then you will be able to look your children in the eye when you have to guide them on their way to marriage and family life. While dating is part of life it should, like marriage, not be your only social outlet. Even marriages require that the spouses keep their outside friendships to prevent the spouses becoming stale and narrow, and while friendships must never disempower a marriage, dating should not disempower friendships. Be sure your life is based firmly on prayer, reception of the Sacraments and scripture reading so that you have the spiritual strength to fight temptation.

Make your time together active times: The devil finds work for idle hands Make sure your activities are wholesome: Dress appropriately and modestly; dress to look good, but not in order to make your body a focus of attraction: Avoid actions that cause arousal: Passions are powerful and lead us astray: Inflamed emotions are hard to extinguish. Be honest about yourself: Be honest with yourself: End it as soon as you realise this is not the person for you.

Also, secrecy provides an intensity between you that is not actually about you but about the dating ; the secrecy becomes the bond but can be misread by you both as being about you, when it is not. Posted by Andrew at Sally Anne 10 August at Anonymous 10 August at Paul 10 August at Ebeth 11 August at JulieA 11 August at There are lots of factors that go into how you might deal with the absence of love from a partner, such as past experiences or wounds, your expectations, or your capacity for vulnerability.

It also might be affected by what you actually see in the other person. No matter what the reason, though, how you manage to get through difficult times with your significant other will tell you how healthy your relationship is. A healthy respect for the dignity of another person means that you see the other person as the type of being that exists for her or his own good, not simply to serve your desires or to be used like an object. In a healthy relationship, you see the other person as a being created for his or her own good, with a history and a story totally unique and important simply for being his or hers.

If you are still dating, you understand that this story may or may not include you in the long term. It can be very easy to develop a utilitarian mentality toward another person in a relationship. This disposition will quickly erode a relationship. At best it will be an agreement for mutual use with set parameters for a time before it totally dissolves into something untenable.

When you respect the dignity of the other person, you ask yourself: You can even expect the other to ask that about you — not because you want the good for yourself — but you know that when he or she asks that question about you, it is the way of becoming the best self possible. In my opinion one of the most telling signs of a healthy relationship is to have a solid friendship in the midst of the romance.

Friendship marks that type of relationship that can weather any storm, as well as the passing seasons of all relationships. Physical attraction, personality matches, and value consistency are all important aspects of a relationship, but friendship alone will carry a relationship through the years. A simple way to think about friendship is to consider taking a cross-country road trip with the person in question. A healthy relationship is one where two people can enjoy the trip together, despite all the colorful and sometimes difficult experiences that might come with it.

Marriage is for a long time, and most secondary qualities will either pass away or change, but friendship will carry a couple through to the end. A lot of psycho-talk these days is about boundaries and maintaining your independence.

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