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Asking these questions will help you determine whether you should stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you should run really fast in the opposite direction. There's no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you've met. If he's turned off by the questions, so what: And if he isn't willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he's not the one for you.
If you're going to get into a relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are and how they fit into the key elements that make a man—who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. These three things, as I've already told you, are extremely important to any mature, grown man, and you have every right to know what he's doing right now, and what he's planning over the next three to five years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be.
His answer also will help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You'll know to throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn't have a plan at all. If he's got a plan, well great. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you.
So allow us to impress. Say things like, "Wow, how did you get into that field?
Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company. But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street," well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving.
The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one—he's not interning or working for a film com-pany, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in—then you know this man doesn't have a plan.
And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal—or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Trust me on this: It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future. If he says something silly like "I'm just trying to make it day by day," run.
If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Because his answer tells you that he hasn't thought his life through, or he doesn't see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he's got for you is game. If he doesn't have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway? The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in. Because please believe me when I tell you—and like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan.
I know I did when I first started working as a comedian. Still, I wanted to become a headliner, and I upped the ante: It took me about eight years, but I managed to meet my financial goal—and I was happy about that, too. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy—that it would take time, because there were very few comedy clubs where you could make that kind of money, and you had to have the right connections and a great team to help get you there.
But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some.
Once you hear your potential mate's answer to questions number one and number two, you'll have a firm understanding of the kind of man you're dealing with. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll find out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too. Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships—from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God.
Each answer will reveal a lot more about him—whether he's serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that.
And the only way you'll find out the answers to these questions is to ask. Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him—this is a great phone conversation, for sure.
And don't be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking to him? If he has a problem talking about this right here, then something's wrong. First, find out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? If you have a child, tell your man about him or her—it's his business to know, but more important, it's your business to find out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now.
Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he's probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you. Moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have them, where, exactly, is this relationship going? Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. It's the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too.
We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it's a safe bet that he's going to be at odds with you. If you hear any part of "Man, me and my mother? We just don't get along. After you find out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. Now, I understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father.
At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. You're also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. Let me be direct: After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you?
What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? What's going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem. These next two questions should be asked after you've been talking and dating for a while.
Ideally, ask them before you have parted with the cookie y'all know what I mean. If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. The answers may hurt a little bit more, but at least you'll know. Now, this one you'll have to ask after a few dates, because he's going to need time to get to know you.
But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are. If you've been out on a couple of dates and you've had lots of conversation, you know something about him, but what's more important, you want to know what he is thinking about you. You have a right to know. He was attracted to something—he liked your hair, your eyes, your legs, your outfit. He didn't walk over there just to be walking.
Beyond the initial attraction, however, men pretty much know if you're the kind of woman they're going to sleep with and keep it moving, or if they're going to stick around and see if they want more. This, you will be able to tell by his answers. Listen to his answer closely. I assure you this is how it will go, because every man will answer this question the same exact way: I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with," all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for.
But if he says, "You remember that time when it was my mom's birthday and you called me and reminded me to pick up a card for her? Maybe she might be the one to get me to the next level. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. To consider being with the same person going through similar changes seems preposterous to me. The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in. North Korea taken no 'concrete steps' to denuclearize:
You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do the follow-ups.
Ladies: The Best Way To Date Is Dating Like A Man Men are the most patient beings when it comes to finding the right woman. To think about committing to any of the guys I've dated within my short period in the dating. When it comes to dating or relationships, I always find myself taking a very long walk off a very short pier.
What about me makes you think I'm kind?