How to make a good online dating message

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While it's infinitely more fun to tell you what not to do than it is to give you helpful pointers hey, the Ten Commandments weren't written in the negative for nothin' , this week we're heeding your call. Before we proceed with the advice-shilling, though, a big disclaimer looms. Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back.

If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now. Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person. This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity.

Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet.

Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox. And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response.

3 ways to keep the online dating conversation going

That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:. Indicate that you have actually read through their profile. Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate. They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial.

Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific. Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg.

Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is. Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us.

First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground

So tailor your tone to match that of the apple of your eye. She's wry and sarcastic?

Turn on the drollery. He's earnest and passionate?

3 ways to say hello to someone online

Amp up the sincerity. My sister will be pleased someone has succeeded; she actually has a place up near Napa, so lives for stories about wine and keeps telling me to watch.

But enough about my family. Or have you always been based in this part of California?

Stunning part of the state, you must tell me more about it. A word of caution though — the nature of online messaging means that things like tone and emphasis can be easily misconstrued, and what you intended as breezy can come across sleazy. The Beach Boys, those Napa Valley wines, and yes, the sunshine. You do seem to fit in that category — because, like them, you seem like you could spread happiness wherever you go. Flirty back-and-forths are a great way to build rapport and write the kind of online dating messages that get responses. But just how do you go about asking someone out online?

To make sure they meet you, start by proposing a simple meeting.

First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs

I know this great little wine bar downtown. Sue — you beat me to it. The wine is just a bonus! Writing online dating messages that get responses is easier than you think. All you need to do is find some common ground, tailor your message to the recipient, and ask questions that keep the online dating conversation flowing. So, what are you waiting for?

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Join SilverSingles today , and get writing your first message. Bringing you the very latest dating trends, relationship advice and news from Inside SilverSingles, the Editorial Team are on hand to guide you through the online dating game Discover SilverSingles Member login. My data is collected pursuant to the Privacy Policy. Online dating messages that get responses: Find common ground Want an easy way to write an online dating message that has a great chance of getting a reply? Mention something in their profile that caught your eye Finding common ground is great, but an even better approach is to identify something specific in their profile that you find interesting.

Ask questions about their interests The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a common thread in these messages — they ask questions. Get really into a shared subject So, they loved your opening line, and you two really do have a common interest. Malcolm How to ask someone out online Flirty back-and-forths are a great way to build rapport and write the kind of online dating messages that get responses.

Yours, Sue Sue — you beat me to it.

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