Dating doctor busy
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My dad was a Very Important Surgeon—as junior partner in a 2 or 3 person practice, he had lots of weekend call and frequently went out nights. He gave my sisters and me our baths, supervised teeth brushing, tucked in in with stories and singing every night until it was no longer appropriate for us to be naked around him, and then he still tucked us in very sweetly.
This let my mom get the kitchen back in order and catch her breath, and their time together every evening was very important to them both. They went out to dinner just the 2 of them. When he went to conferences, he called every night and we all—he, mom, and us kids—clearly looked forward to those calls.
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We did family vaca and he and Mom took a week every year. She was his medical technician. She signed up a the local, non-accredited law school. They went to Europe. A year later, she had kid one, followed by kids two two years later and three another two years later. They got divorced five years ago, when the kids were 18, 16 and My tentative conclusion is that competitiveness was a major reason why all of these previous relationships failed.
In most cases, I always felt like the guy discounted my intelligence and achievements, or tried to find ways to do so, and fundamentally did not respect me as an equal. Interestingly, when I confronted the issue directly both before and after breakups, depending , each of them denied it up and down. I have no idea which it was or maybe it was both —but regardless, my tentative conclusion is that I just needed someone who was very passionate about his work, but in a different professional world from me.
LW, your guy sounds like he might be one of those over-schedulers. The importance of female friends. It is about feeling like a priority. Things have progressed, and I think in my favor. Once a week at least — usually times a week — I left work at 7. I do suspect that he overplays what he earns to friends and family and that he has downplayed what I am earning to fit into their expectations. Also, when you are educated and have a successful career, you tend to lean more on the options that you have as an individual.
I truly admire all of his work, and I never doubt that he feels the same toward me. We were both in grad school, in different departments, and I went to a party hosted by someone in his department whom I happened to have met through university activities.
“Is He Really Too Busy, or Is He Just Not Into Me?”
I will say, though, I was pretty proactive about it! I knew I might never run into him again after the party, so a few days later I totally e-mailed him to ask him out. The moral of the story is to go for it. Not totally on topic, but relationship connected. In college, I dated a guy on and off for about two years. It was awful, really took a toll on me emotionally, physically, grades wise, etc. We had a really, really nasty breakup. I took time off after college and worked for a few years and am now about to finish my second year of law school. I realized that both this semester and last semester during finals I have been thinking about him.
Not in a romantic way, but wishing I had peace with him and scared he is going to come back into my life at some point. He was awful during the relationship, but I did not handle myself properly while it was ending, and do not have much to be proud of.
For the record, I do not want to ever contact him. I think I need to forgive myself, but that is easier said than done. I think therapy could definitely help.
A two part "Dating Doctors" series. go home because he was so busy he couldn't spare the 30 minutes it would have taken us to have lunch. And they've forced you to redefine your idea of what "busy" means. The toughest part of dating a doctor would be how they're always 45 mins.
Hugs to you, sounds like you are carrying a lot of worry and stress with you surrounding this relationship. Could you find out some information about him and what he is up to now without him knowing it i. You might find out that he has started a new relationship, gotten married, moved to a new city, started a new job or business, or done other things to give you some indication that he has moved on.
Even if you never send the letter, it may help to get your feelings out there. Have some friends agree that you can call them if you ever think seriously about it, and they will talk you down. Trust me on this. What happened in the past is past and you can neither change it, nor take it back. Time heals almost all wounds, and it is very possible that your ex has not spent nearly as much time thinking about you as you have about him. And even if he has, you two are not the only people in the world to have an ugly, messy breakup.
If he does, you have a pretty good defense — this guy is not an ex-boss or law enforcement officer or parole official, someone with some credibility. I would never, ever fail to hire someone, be against my friend dating someone, or think badly of someone because their ex-partner badmouthed them many years after the end of the relationship.
I would think badly of the ex.
We all have things in our past we are not proud of. Back in high school, I dated a guy who had a longtime girlfriend. He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend to be with me. It caused one of those high school dramas that seem so crucial at the time. As it turned out, he was a loser and she was well rid of him, but her gain was my loss.
The things we do at 16, huh? I emailed back saying, yeah, sorry but I should get some credit for taking him off your hands: Therapy would probably help. The most important thing is to stop perseverating on this. I sometimes think about this, too. I have an ex from high school who emotionally and verbally abused me. But there are certainly unresolved feelings there. Wow, are we the same person?
I could have written this word for word.
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because it hit so close to home. Like you, I had a horrible relationship in college that ended very badly, to the point that I had to have a restraining order against my ex. When the ex found out I was engaged, he wrote nasty emails to my husband and divulged lots of personal details about me. Three days before my actual wedding, he sent me a text saying that he was going to sabotage my marriage. It was all incredibly scary. None of that happened. I had the foresight to tell my husband before we married about my past, and I warned him that this ex was crazy and would likely try to contact me or him.
Eight years later after our marriage, this ex still reaches out to my husband but not me through Facebook email and says terrible things about me. We have always just ignored him. I made some poor choices in my early years, namely with this ex, and I now regret them. I have never, ever thought of myself as a sad person, but going to therapy made me realize how much sadness I carried around about that relationship. I do think it helped. I realized that I needed to forgive myself for my actions as well as forgive him. But you know what?
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Some people are not mentally stable, and reconnecting with him could actually make things worse. Hopefully your future husband will appreciate your candor and honesty with him. Good luck to you. When I started grad school, I had a dream that he was sitting in the department when I walked in, and told everyone there what a foolish nicompoop I was and that I had no business being there nevermind that I am WAY more educated.
I felt like he was watching me and raining on my parade! Needless to say, I blocked him. Realizing that neither of us was totally innocent, and neither meant to be a super-destructive person although he was. I reached a point where I need to jump some major hurdles to move forward in my life, and I mediated on what I needed to do to clear the hurdles.