Is dating a single mom a bad idea
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I find it difficult to believe every single mom out there on the dating scene just wants to parasitically latch on to someone and that there's no-one desiring genuine companionship or plain fucking. That might be the case where you live though!
Probably because it's a huge sexist generalization about a large group of women. I'm pretty sure if someone said the same thing about single dads, you wouldn't be happy about it. Scheduling can be rough Sometimes, the sitter falls through. Sometimes, the kid gets sick. Those plans you all made two weeks ago? They need to change now. We're planning a vacation, and her kid is the reason I've purchased flight cancelation insurance for the first time ever.
If you're averse to any contact with the kid, it probably won't work out. I and her kid get along, so when I do see them, it's fine.. And sometimes, the kid will get jealous of the attention you get and act out.
On paper I had a very stable life pretty young career, education, bought house at 24, no car payments etc so in the back of my mind I was always wondering if they really loved me or if they simply liked me and realized I was a good choice for their kid. And honestly I can't blame them, because my 1 priority would be giving my child the best life they can and stability helps with that considerably. Yep one of the other main reasons I avoid single moms.
Every situation I've seen like this the woman mysteriously got pregnant despite being on birth control and always keeps the kid. In a comitted relationship when you get to a point of trust some people will forgo the expense and pleasure blockers of condoms. Sometimes women will break that trust and just stop taking birth control all together.
Then people like you will be like "hurrr hurrr why didnt you just use a condom" portraying themselves as somone whos never actually been in a long term relationship. Meanwhile if you take your condom off during intercourse without telling the woman you can be charged convicted and imprisoned for a sexual offence. If she takes the used condom and impregnates herself you're still liable. The whole consent withdrawn under false pretenses doesn't actually work for men.
Neither should basic reading comprehension to know not to take everything written literally and use context yet here we are. The fact that she had a kid with a man that's no longer around is already an indictment of her decision-making. A smart, responsible woman that makes good decisions does not just end up with a kid randomly with a low-quality man. I sorta weep for the species a bit when I see this because its something which has exploded in my lifetime. I don't know how men can trust single mums in the romantic arena short of being a single dad as well I guess.
If money doesn't come up really early you can bet that it will become a factor down the line. I have a stepdad and my father had dated several single mothers long term. I'm old enough now to see some of my friends have catastrophic failures of LTRs with single mothers. It's my world view based on my line of sight, I'm sure not all single mothers are just looking for a payday. I guess it comes down to trust, which you'd need to have in the relationship regardless of the child situation.
Whisper users reveal why they never date single mothers
When you subsidize something, like giving welfare to single mothers, you get more of what you're subsidizing. That's harsh but as true as it gets. I'm also in favor of the subsidy because the goal is to keep the kid fed. It's the paradox of my generation of liberalism. Older liberals like myself want a safety net, but believe in personal responsibility. Younger liberals seem to think the net is a birthright and use it as insurance for bad decisions or laziness. I mean, as you should be. How its this a pitfall? You're a grown man.
I see posts all the time from the single mom perspective, but none from the for all you guys out there wondering if dating a single mom is for you. her idea of a fairy tale has been wounded, and you need to respect that. Since the question is specifically about dating single MOMs, I will stick to the male perspective, which happens to be what I You have to adapt to a different idea of what “romance” means. . You would not be a good fit for a single mom if: .
The kids' needs are far more important than yours and its a mother's biological duty to care for her child above anybody else. I realize my comment is a bit off topic from the question that OP is really asking. I agree it can indeed be a pitfall in the context of a relationship.
Just stating that coming 2nd to a kid goes for all parents, including a spouse, not just single mothers, as parents are biologically influenced to care for their children above anybody else. It's a pitfall if you don't want to share the attention. It's not the woman's or the child's fault, but if you don't want to be in that situation then it is a pitfall of dating a single mum. I think that's not wanting to date a "mom".
Want to add to the discussion?
Being a natural father, you would have to deal with this as well. The difference is that if you are the father then the kid comes first in your life as well. OP is asking about single mothers specifically for childless men. It stands to reason that he wants this sort of thing pointed out as I haven't met a guy yet who wanted to be 3rd or 4th priority in his relationship.
I think the difference is that if you're the father you're part of that family dynamic rather than the third wheel. It's a pitfall because most people want to spend some period of time as the highest priority of their significant other. There is also a growing body of evidence that suggests if kids are prioritized over the healthy relationship between the adults who are responsible for the kid, the child will suffer and have a malformed understanding of adult relationships.
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It's a pitfall because getting a relationship started, you want some exclusive attention to get to know each other. She may be your priority for the evening, but you will be lucky to be in the top five. In no way is that a bad thing morally, it just sucks and may not be what you expected going in compared to truly single women.
Yeah I agree, same could easily be true for a man or woman with a time consuming career, high maintenance pets, sick family member, etc.
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Because the subject of this thread is what the pitfalls of dating a single mom are. Coming second to the kid is a pitfall, regardless of whether it is right or not. The biggest thing you'll need to remember is you will never be her first priority, the children will be. That means you'll be taking a back seat from time to time, plans might gets cancelled, etc. Can you get past being 2nd or 3rd most important person in her life, can you get past her not being available or able to just drop things for a romantic getaway or the lack of privacy around her place, or the fact that her babby-daddies might still be in the picture here and there..?
So let's say you're cool with that. Let's say she tries to make you feel special.
She makes time for you. Her baby daddies ain't so bad to you and actually respect you a bit. Maybe her kids take to you and you actually start to bond with them. You all become a little family unit and do things together and you're there for some pretty heavy milestones in her and her kid's lives And things just end up not working out for whatever reason How do you feel about her not being available and canceling plans at the last minute because of the kids?
This was the biggest issue when I dated a single dad.