Girlfriend slept with someone else while we were dating
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Basically my whole idea of our relationship and the way in which I view my girlfriend has been changed very suddenly and I don't know what to think. I really do not want to end it with her but I feel like I may not get rid of this feeling or thought process. I don't want it to be there just niggling at me all the time. Anyone out there got any ideas or suggestions? Been through the same thing?
Share Share this post on Digg Del. Yes, the answer, to me, is easy. If you want to vomit at the thought of her riding another guys member and loving it while she was seeing you, get rid of her.
Topic: She slept with someone else while we were dating
Otherwise, well, nah, no otherwise She had a BF when you two first slept together? Classic case of those who lie with you will lie against you. I thought she really liked you?
I guess not so much. I think you know what you need to do.
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Haha so she cheated on her boyfriend with you? Then she cheated on you? What don't you get about this situation?
She slept with someone else while we were dating
Dog bites previous owner, then bites you. What makes you think you can trust this girl considering how you got together in the first place? Why are you surprised? Just remember, you knowingly pursued a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with you.
Jud2 said: Today AM I have been seeing my girlfriend for about 10 months. At the start I took her out on two dates and then for a week or. She said she had sex with a friend of her while we where dating until we . Because you're OVER someone, doesn't mean your INTO someone else . I dumped my (now ex) girlfriend before further dating this new girl (now.
That speaks volumes on how much trust she deserves. Originally Posted by googleccd. Hard to say if she was cheating or just casually dating and unsure about you then realized what she wanted. Sounds like it warrants a discussion Sounds an unpleasant and similar situation to what I've been in, whether you were casually dating or not. Originally Posted by Talak7. Originally Posted by road. So you call moving in with a guy and sleeping with that guy and dating others as a casual relationship?
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Well there you have it I think you get the message, OP Then you need to make amends. You will do that by negotiating an "amends program" with her. If she decides to keep seeing you, then you both have to work together to formulate a trust-building program that helps you to return to the former level of trust she held for you before she discovered that you are untrustworthy. It's going to be hard. If you want to stay with her, then you have to committ to doing the work.
You will have to do things like give her access to your phone, anytime day or night, no question. You will have to give her access to your passwords to your email and other accounts not financial ones, there's a limit to the level of trust you give someone til they earn it or you reach that stage in your relationship but your goal is to achieve transparency. By being transparent you establish trust. Your words must match your behavior. You must be or become the person you have made her think you are.
What If She Slept with Someone Else Before We Were Committed?
If you cannot do these things than you are just a controlling liar and she should move on to someone else. And I know what you are thinking -- I did this one thing, years ago, sure it wasn't that good and I am not proud of it but it shouldn't define me.
But the truth is, a man can go his whole life being honest in every way, but the minute he robs one bank he will always be known as a bank robber and dishonest, no matter what else he has done or will do. This is the same thing with you. You used that other girl to satisfy your needs and then you lied about it to your girlfriend, allowing her to develop feelings for you based upon an idea of you that was not true.
Now you have to do the hard work of fixing it. However, there is another point of view.
If you were not sleeping with your girlfriend at the time but were just casually dating and hadn't made committments to each other then it is assumed that you WILL date other people. If, in this case, you had reached a stage with the other woman where intimacy was the next step, and after which it helped you determine that she was not the "one" for you, then you dumped her and selected your girlfriend, then she has less to be angry and upset about.
You had not yet made a committment to her, you were not sleeping with her. Perhaps you were on that road and perhaps that idea was already in her head -- but you are not responsible for what goes on in her head. That is on her. If you were not sleeping together and you chose her honestly after deciding the other was not for you, then you did a pretty good and honorable thing providing you treated the other girl right and didn't just toss her aside like a used whore made the right choice. In that case, all you can do is explain the situation to your girlfriend and help her to see your point of view.
If she cannot or will not then you have to ask her what happens next? Does she want to leave? If not, what will it take to get back into her good graces? It may require the same trust-rebuilding exercises I already suggested and you can decide to participate or not because she no longer occupies the moral high ground. Together you must negotiate and agree on what the road ahead entails.
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Nevertheless, STD testing is still in order. When I say past, I mean before you and her became exclusive. She might be upset about the circumstances in which you told her. There has to be a reason you told her that. You were looking for some kind of a reaction or attention, maybe? Somewhere inside you, you knew that telling her would only cause her to feel anything but happiness. You need to take a good, hard look at yourself, being completely honest, and figure out what you were hoping to achieve.
Did you want her to know for some reason? Did you feel guilty for sleeping with her and just wanted it off your conscience? If your girlfriend was asking you if you slept with her then she really has no reason to be upset. Somethings are best left in the past. Being honest with each other is a must. Your personal past is yours. Communication and honesty are needed to have a healthy relationship.
You should apologize only if you meant to upset her. Reassure her your not interested in that girl. Remind her it happened before you two were together. Unless your her first boyfriend, then she has past relationships before. Before they dated or had even met, my dad was dating a red head.