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You know he lives in Florida now. She has a kid and everything. Not serious enough to walk down the aisle, though.
As it turns out, he told my BFF that he had no plans to marry again, but rather, he was just happy enjoying the company of this beautiful young woman who liked having him around too. For most of us, the idea of our parents dating is hard. But the concept of them dating someone our age is even harder to fathom. And I get it. She could have been one of our classmates for goodness sake.
And yes, you're not acting in a mature fashion. You might have your assumptions positively challenged.
You are mostly projecting your expectations on her. You would have been fine if he were dating a "fun, free-spirited woman, probably a widow". One would think that could have been a somewhat reassuring thing, with rules and roles clearly defined, and for you an easier transition between step-mothers. Now, you are feeling threatened in your daughter role instead, and I think this is what irks you the most.
Living on different sides of the country should make that easier.
And he started to think he was cooler than me, or something. When a man her father's age wanted to date girls younger than she, what did it But not without consequence: When your parent dates someone near your age. It's so messed up to me. She has proven herself to be a gold digger too, as expected. TL;DR: my dad is dating a 19 year old girl (I'm 21 and my.
Good luck to both of you. I think your feelings are completely natural. There's nothing wrong with you. Anyone would understand why you would feel this way. It's not complicated - you've explained perfectly why this feels icky. But I also agree with those who say you should do your best to get over it. You don't have to fall all over anyone with loving embraces, but it would be best for everyone if you can be gracious and polite and Maybe this is the biggest mistake your dad will ever make in his entire life -- but it's his mistake to make.
Maybe it's a fine relationship - I know of two similar age-difference relationships that worked out well - one ended in permanent marriage, and one lasted a few years before an amicable parting - and neither was really about an older guy chasing a younger woman. In both cases it was just something that worked. I have no doubt that it was no less weird for the families of the men in those relationships than this is for you, but the good thing is that it doesn't appear to have caused a serious rift. You want freedom to choose your own mates, I'm sure, and if this is not a good relationship, your dad will find that out.
You really don't have to approve to accept. But it's better to accept than build a wall. And at some later date you might genuinely approve. You're going to, to a certain degree, have right of refusal on his mates if they get serious Uh what? Do your parents get "right of refusal" on your partner? The "younger woman" is This is not some 50 year old banging a 17 year old. This is a woman who has been a legal adult for 18 years. I think she has enough life experience to be making reasonable decisions about the age of the men she wishes to see.
Absent any evidence your father is in a relationship which is harmful to anything other than your sense of proprietry, you need to get over yourself. There's a lot of talking about you in this post. How his girlfriend makes you feel, what you pictured his new relationship would be like. As much as this may affect your innermost world: You can feel however you want, and have that right, but you risk alienating your dad forever if you are a butt about this relationship. I would do everything possible to deal with your feelings yourself to avoid further discomfort and potential alienation.
Anon, I can imagine an interior monologue going something like, cringe Ignore festering resentment! I shouldn't be hung up on the past. My brain knows, okay? Why can't I feel better?!
People would say, "See a doctor" if something were bothering you physically. Sounds like this deserves professional help, too.
Thus ends advice-giving segment; here follows my experience: Maybe just pointing that out without getting into specific issues would be a relief. A child doesn't have to approve or give advice: My dad, brother and sister do you have siblings? I was adult enough to watch it with glee. If your dad wants you to meet the S.
You can feel squicked all you want. Can't say I totally blame you given the past history. In my family, they find new SO's before the old ones die, so that's my weirdout. Though at least this one's legal. However, you are going to have to suck it up, make nice, and pretend you are okay with it to your dad's face.
Eventually you will probably have to meet her and make nice if you want to see your dad, because they will be coming as a package deal, and as others have pointed out, he'll probably pick her over you if you throw a hissy. Happily, you don't live near him, so you shouldn't have to put on the Happy Face too often.
Let your dad enjoy himself. I think if you get to know and, possibly, like this woman, you'll get at least somewhat used to the age discrepancy. I mean, you wouldn't do it, I wouldn't do it and anyway my dad has told me I am NOT to bring home anyone older than him , but Love and companionship can be found in unlikely places sometimes. That's not to devalue your feelings, which are natural, but you need to get over them and support your dad. Or as usual what Miko said. You're going to, to a certain degree, have right of refusal on his mates if they get serious Are you fucking kidding me?
Since it's so visceral to you, I'd spend a while trying to figure out why. The babysitter thing is a very likely candidate -- I'm sure the divorce was really hard on you, and for something like that to happen during a time in your life when you were figuring out who you were romantically and sexually and what relationships were like, I can't imagine that was easy.
I could see how his desire to date younger women could end up feeling somehow personal to you. You seem to be getting flashbacks of sorts hence, the high school locker analogy instead of "sharing the jungle gym" or an analogy from a different period of childhood. Even apart from questions of your own identity, I could see that if his desire for younger women once caused a period of chaos in your own life, you might understandably if unfortunately feel more bitterness and less compassion about it than you would otherwise.
If it helps at all, I know two couples with vast age differences, and their relationships are strong, warm, and loving. I wonder if his desire for this woman is essentially the same thing that made him cheat on your mom, or if, although the woman is still younger, since he's not cheating, this is coming from a more mature and stable place. My parents are recently separated and my dad has been in a relationship I'm not all that psyched about either for different reasons.
I deal by focusing on him. Put another way, after spending a bunch of time with yourself trying to understand and comfort the deeper parts of yourself that are getting stirred up by this, sorry that sounded all New Age , I'd try to shift your energies from "this is weird for me" to a feeling of concern for him. Talk to him about their relationship from that perspective and see where you end up.
Maybe you'll be happy for him, and maybe you'll end up wondering why he once again wants someone so [whatever], but in any case, you'll be seeing the situation more through the lens of "what does this mean to him and in the narrative of his life? How does he feel dating someone so much younger? Does he think this is similar to the babysitter situation maybe he now associates divorce with younger women so he got the urge to date someone young? I'd try to see it from his point of view and get a conversation going, once you can do it with concern and interest.
Anyway, if you want to bond over "my dad is dating someone new and this is weird," feel free to email me. I'll be meeting this woman over Christmas holiday. I don't think you should be creeped out by his current relationship, but I think you should certainly be creeped out by his relationship with your babysitter. I don't read it as a mere "additional layer," I see it as core. Talking out of my backside, natch. The French say half your age plus seven. Grace is ia good idea here I think. I also just found this Wikipedia article. In my experience, anonymous , people I've known in your situation were actually hung up on closeness in age to the paramour of a loved one for a fairly specific if often subconscious reason: That would bother a lot of people.
Many consider peers as being in one's same "pool" for socialising, networking, and relationships. Being in the same age group as the person a parent is dating brings all kinds of weird issues to the forefront. Therapy or counseling may well be the best choice to deal with the strange thoughts and itchy emotions this situation can inspire.
After a difficult break-up, lots of people will go for their shallowest thrill or greatest comfort and many other permutations besides, including their deepest fears and a non-typical relationship may be just the thing to shake them out of their funk. If they're self-aware and fortunate in their selections, they may even pick out someone who works well as a continuing partner, no drama or trauma other than whatever the kids have to work out for themselves, of course.
There are less positive reasons and outcomes, certainly, but you'd notice other signs, like avoiding responsibility or behaving generally recklessly or feeling evicted from a prior social group, and you'd bring up those things instead, since they're more specifically and compassionately addressed for all parties. Why would they choose to behave in that way?
But I wouldn't, because it really is none of my business. Instead, I'd ask how they were feeling, if they were being treated well by this new person in their life but no overly personal details, please , what kind of plans they have coming up or recently completed Checking in, making sure they're still circulating and staying engaged.