Dating a non academic

---

Many of my friends, tenured and adjunct, have confessed that knowing their significant other is going to be home in three hours forces them to manage their time more wisely. And a non-academic love often encourages academics to make friends outside of the ivory tower -- which can be a nice balance to a bookish, research-dominated life. For some, however, this match has problems. A tenure-track professor I met told me she hated dating outside of academia -- if only because she did not feel valued. She simply got tired of defending her career.

Her husband, a contractor, resented her university-funded travel; this difference of opinion brought much tension to the relationship. She also told me that he does not understand her at-home work.

The time between semesters becomes a battle as he pressures her to make repairs on their classic Victorian house while she is desperately trying to read new textbooks, rework syllabi, course outlines, and assignments -- all while writing to publish. And the resulting tension can be devastating to a relationship. This is not the only place where academics and their non-academic spouses do not agree. A liberal arts professor I know dated a man who worked as a marketing manager with a large, successful printing company in the area.

And a sense of being able to give back rather than take helped her through some non tenure-track years. For successful non-academics, status may be measured by a bank account -- which frustrates academics. But opinion about academic and non-academic spouses seems to be split squarely down the middle. I have colleagues past and current who swear by their academic loves.

A strong bond often develops among professors -- to some it makes sense to seek a partner who suffers and celebrates the same issues. The demands of the job, combined with research and papers, can be daunting. Academic partners also seem more focused on career -- and often have similar interests when it comes to politics and social lives. And I suppose it could be coincidence, but my second husband [an academic] not only loves those things, but also encourages me to see independent films, visit the local art museum and go to poetry readings.

And although a non-academic spouse could have these interests, it is sometimes more likely that an academic spouse will have them. Academics are big readers, too.

Love In (and Out of) Academe

Those who read books, papers and publications in their own industry often also read for enjoyment -- or simply to broaden their horizons. Two humanities professors I know are co-authoring a paper; they are husband and wife. One poet I know often runs his work through his wife before he talks to his editor; although her specialty is social work, she often catches small inconsistencies -- and, even better, she really understands his body of work and how that reflects the man.

Having a spouse or loved one at a conference or workshop not only can be a bonding experience, but can also lead to discussions that may result in a much-needed lesson for class, or a paper to be presented at a later conference. Yet there may be tensions. The ABD may feel that their Ph.

And finding jobs that allow a couple to stay together is a near-impossible task. A new colleague took a position with our university four weeks before the semester started. His wife, on contract to teach at a campus 2, miles away, is now desperately trying to land a position in the same area. I sense that he feels isolated.

Although he has cultivated some acquaintances in his new town, he doe not feel as though his experience is complete without his life partner. The long-distance academic marriage is often an awkward union at best. At its worst, the situation will literally kill the marriage. One instructor friend who specializes in distance learning says that personality, priorities, values and ability to communicate are the deal-breakers -- not what one does for a living.

I think that she is right. Just as there are some absolute clods in academia, there are some wonderfully accomplished, smart and interesting people working for government or private industry.

Dating People in Academia - The Lobby - The GradCafe Forums

With friends in and outside of academia, I feel as though I am taking advantage of all that the world has to offer. Cutting one group out seems overly focused and elitist. And in our nation, which seems to value entrepreneurialism and individualism at all costs, narrowing the field of human contact seems unwise to me. Be the first to know.

Get our free daily newsletter. Elsevier journal editors resign, start rival open-access journal. Michigan State board moves to oust interim president after a year of pressure and bad press.

Erroneous job ads with the preferred candidates' names in the title roil academics who have experien. Study offers data to show MOOCs didn't achieve their goals.

Recommended Posts

Debating Tyler Cowen Technology and Learning. Colleges and accreditors push back on Trump administration proposal to alter standards for oversight. Author of recent academic hoax faces disciplinary action by Portland State. View the discussion thread.

Create an account or sign in to comment

Please sign in to update your newsletter preferences. You must verify your email address before signing in. Check your email for your verification email, or enter your email address in the form below to resend the email. Please confirm the information below before signing in. Already have an account? Please check your email and click on the link to verify your email address.

Women in Academia: When Your Significant Other Isn’t in Academia

We've sent an email with instructions to create a new password. Your existing password has not been changed.

This email address was registered with a social account. We've sent an email with instructions to create a new password, which can be used in addition to your linked social providers.

Advice. Staircase Wit. Faux Pas. Movies.

Sorry, we could not verify that email address. Enter your email below, and we'll send you another email. Thank you for verifiying your email address. Jobs and colleagues will come and go, but a love like that? Hang onto it hard. Class issues might come up, but not education so much.

There is a pervasive cultural message that women should marry up—men with ambition, men who are doctors or lawyers or PhDs, or what have you. Not a single male friend who is a lawyer has ever asked me that. My mum specifically said that one of the problems with my relationship was my partner is less educated I have two degrees and working on the third, all at a pretty prestigious research-intensive university, he has one degree from a much less prestigious university but also that if the genders were reversed it would be fine.

Maybe she is projecting because she got a better degree than my dad did albeit in her forties? Homo economicus would also realize that lots of non-academic jobs pay at least as much as a grad school stipend, and the grocer or landlord cares more about whether you can pay your bills than about letters after your name. And not having to worry about whether you can pay the bills is valuable on a lot of levels. And also on average people with PhDs earn less than people with just a Masters!

But a lot of this is selection into academia rather than business.

• should i hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend
• online dating russian
• interracial dating research questions
• speed dating in houston texas
• st george ut dating
• can carbon dating be used to determine the age of a diamond
• writing a good dating profile for men