Life after dating a married man
I'd just broken up with my boyfriend.
We decided to celebrate! Next thing we knew, we were making out in his car. I didn't resist and he didn't seem to mind. The sex was great - I had no idea we were so sexually compatible! I never asked him to marry me because I wasn't sure what I felt for him. He never told me he loved me either. But we would hook up often.
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It made no sense to stop just because he was going to marry someone else. Suddenly, I started feeling jealous. He'd sleep with me but go back home to his wife. I was the 'other' woman, hidden behind curtains and closed doors.
I was the other woman
Even he was a man divided. Caught between the woman he'd married and the woman he loved, he was living a dual life. But he couldn't have left his wife - he wanted to but knew that society wouldn't forgive him. And I didn't want to put him through that ordeal either. It's been four years since and he's still married to his wife and still in love with me.
We've made peace with our situation and accepted our unusual circumstances. We know we may never get married and that's fine. We're in love and happy in each other's company. Marriage won't and can't change anything! But I'm the 'other' woman, right? I'm not his wife, the future mother to his kids, the one who'll hold his hand when he's old, right? Well, I'm the woman he loves, the one he wants to be with, his soulmate. Just because I'm not the one he married, doesn't make me any less important! I don't expect anyone to believe that what we share is actually true love.
Not every relationship is meant for society's understanding and approval.
Not every relationship leads to marriage and babies. Or just the promise of love? Dr Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, "Women who fall for married men are usually seeking attention and emotional support. Since married men seem to be more experienced and mature, they get attracted towards them.
Owing to their experience, married men understand the emotional needs and desires of women better than their single counterparts. If you have convinced yourself that his family would never come to know about it, think again. If they do, you would have to deal with the guilt of inflicting emotional pain on his spouse and kids, besides hurting yourself.
It's important to consider that there are many people involved in your relationship, than just the two of you. Also, dating a man who's married may entail many restrictions such as not being seen in public places together or being with him only when he can find free time away from his family or sneak out and meet you. Even more difficult can be living with the bitter truth that you are sharing him with his wife. Samvedna Thakur name changed on request , 27, who works in an advertising agency in Delhi claims, "I have been dating a married man for the last two years.
We work in the same office. I've tried to break up with him several times but have failed in doing so.
I am aware of the consequences if his wife finds out about our relationship. I also know that I am his second priority, but I am so emotionally attached to him that I'm not even being able to find an eligible man for myself and get married. We have been together for a year. Recently, he confessed to me that he's married and is not happy with his present relationship.
Since married men seem to be more experienced and mature, they get up on my marriage, but I think our ultimate goal in life is to be happy. You believe you're not responsible for the feelings and lives of people you Dating a married man is probably the one of the worst decisions you can make. He'll tell you the marriage is falling apart, that it's beyond saving.
He said he doesn't want to cheat on me, but can't divorce his wife either. I've been trying to forget him since then and call off the relationship, but I am not being able to do so. Arvinder Singh, a psychotherapist and consultant says, "There is usually a lot of guilt associated with such relationships. So, when you are in a relationship with a married man, it's important to analyse the emotional need that the man is being able to satisfy.
Then see if you can get it elsewhere, apart from the married man.
It's important to have a support system, otherwise it can be even more damaging for the woman as it could be emotionally taxing. An important question that you need to ask yourself is - 'Why is he in a relationship with you despite having a family? It is important to evaluate and assess the benefits and drawbacks of such a relationship. You may be hoping that your man will leave his family for you so that you both can live happily ever after Assess whether the man you are dating is pursuing the relationship because he loves you or he just because he wants to take advantage of you.
Poonam Tiwari name changed on request , 34, who works with a multi-national company in Noida adds, "I am in love with a married man who has a son. I am married too and have a daughter. Mine was an arranged marriage, but after a year, lot of differences started creeping into our relationship. I met this man though a common friend and realised that he was the one for me. Being a wife and a mother, it isn't correct on my part to be dating a married man and giving up on my marriage, but I think our ultimate goal in life is to be happy, isn't it?
What's the use of being in a relationship that gives you pain and suffering? The emotional turmoil While some women dating married men may find happiness eventually, most of these relationships end up leaving you feeling lonely, used and neglected.
A relationship exists because of mutual trust and commitment. In extra-marital affairs, you can't expect to get any of these. Most women know it by instinct, but not surprisingly many fall for it. You may find yourself alone more often than you'd like because his family will always come first.
Moreover, if he is cheating on his wife to be with you, what's going to stop him from cheating on you? I met her even before I got married and proposed to her. But she said she wasn't in love with me. So, I didn't tell my parents about her and they fixed my marriage with another girl. Gradually, she realised that she loved me, but it was too late to call off the wedding. I am happy with my marriage, but can't forget my ex. I continue to meet her even today and I still love her. I am in a dilemma, but I can't divorce my wife as it would be very embarrassing for my family," says Gaurav Mehrotra name changed on request , 30, working as a sales manager in Indore.
Mostly, in such relationships, the people involved are quite vulnerable. So, there's also a chance that the person can emotionally abuse you as you are emotionally dependent on him," explains Dr.