Dating after traumatic brain injury
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They have medicines to help, as they helped me very much.
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I have been dating someone for 3 months who had a accident 13 years ago. The first month was loving and spontaneous and he would show lots of affection. But for the last two months he rarely shows any affection or instigates physical contact. Jbhbe spoken to him about this and he said that he did not even realise. I honestly thought that something was wrong with me and it's made me feel very self conscious.
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I have been in a 6 month relationship with a man that had a Subarachnoid hemorrhage 3 years ago. He told me how it effected his memory and gave him bouts of E. I honestly thought the E. His emotional swings and memory issues are the biggest issues. He was cheated on by his ex wife prior to the stoke and has major trust issues. I have always been an independent person and he takes my independence or what appears as of lack of need to him as me having someone else in my life.
No matter what I say or do it turns into an argument that ends up becoming escalated and confusing. Things I said are either not remembered at all and I am "cold" because I ignored his feelings or if they are remembered then the whole conversation is twisted and not at all received correctly.
Will Anyone Want to Date Me After a Brain Injury? | BrainLine
I get frustrated trying to explain because it seems no matter how I try to carefully phrase things to be honest yet as positive as possible it is rarely received as either. If I tell him that he doesn't remember something I said he gets angry and accuses me of picking on him for his memory issues. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Finding this blog has definitely helped me "feel" better but I still don't know how I should handle things differently.
I was seriously considering never telling him the truth about how I am really feeling and putting on a happy face all the time I am not sure I can do that, but is that what is required to keep the peace? I've been searching online for a support group. How do I find one? Hi Julie, If you want to talk I'm going through the same thing.
I looked a little bit for an online support group but didn't find the right one. I am in a very similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year. He is wonderful and can be very loving in a way I have never experienced before, but he is very inconsistent and can be rather cold and distant at times with mood swings and burts of anger that are usually - in my opinion - due to some sort of misunderstanding.
His short term memory is terrible and even with me constantly reminding him of things he drops the ball on a lot of different promises. I have been very frustrated that he cannot remember basic things like my work schedule which is the same every week. He still doesn't know the date of my birthday. He knows the month but can't seem to remember the day which is the 1st.
He is chronically late usually by 3 or more hours and sometimes - though rarely - doesn't even show up whether its something he planned with me, a friend, or a family member - nobody gets any special treatment. We all see his tardiness as a lack of consideration for our time, but its very confusing because to know him one realizes that he truly has a heart of gold and he seems to mean what he says and intends to do as he says - he just can't keep track of the time and genuinely does not realize how much time has passed.
If he promised to do something 3 weeks ago but still hasn't followed through when i bring it up he swears its only been a few days until i show him a calendar and then he becomes angry at himself. I have had such a hard time understanding this until I finally began putting together the pieces. He is an incredibly intelligent man and very creative, but he cannot hold a job and I'm beginning to realize - at least for the time being - he cannot take care of himself independently. He is also very impulsive and makes poor choices when it comes to money.
He cannot plan ahead or manage the mundane tasks of life effectively. What's been bothering me a lot lately is the complete lack of sex. The entire relationship we have had very little sex, but it was somewhat regular for the first month or two perhaps but suddenly he "lost his sex drive" entirely and at this point its been about 7 months I have had such a hard time not taking this personally and its such a delicate subject to being up because he feels poorly about it as the issue is physiological - ED and of this I am sure.
I think that was an issue in the beginning as well but because it had been a while and it was all new and exciting that gave him some extra steam for a bit. What concerns me in his case is that his TBI happened when he was a baby That was over 30 years ago. I didn't think much of it when he first told me, but lately I began to wonder if there could be something going on in his brain to account for his frustrating behaviors and talking with my own therapist he believes his symptoms sound like brain malfunction.
Talking with my boyfriend's family I have also learned that he struggled in school due to severe difficulty reading and he needed a school plan to accommodate this. He has always had difficulty with organization when though his parents tried so hard to get him to keep his room straight - they eventually gave up.
Later in , I got a divorce. How do relationship roles change? Considerations in new relationships If you are in a new relationship, the process of recovery can be more complicated. He uses his brain injury. Jackson on Supporting Intimate Relationships. Education can also help partners not to personalize behaviors that may be more related to brain injury than a reaction to or reflection of the relationship. He's always on my mind.
He is on the verge of what one would consider hoarding behavior. Reading remains a challenge for him yet interestingly he is very good with words and has an excellent vocabulary bank, however, often times - almost always - he does not speak clearly - I have to have him respeat himself very often at this point I'm much better at understanding his speech than anyone else though. His family gets frustrated with him and assumes he is just lazy and mumbling, but now I'm beginning to think this is a much deeper issue.
Occasionally, usually if he is very tired, he will slur and that is VERY difficult - nearly impossible - to understand. Because he does have a history of drug abuse on top of it all but he has been clean a while now his family accuses him of using again if they catch him slurring. At first I was concerned of the same, but because we now spend so much time together I know that is not the case. I have been crying all morning with the realization that my love most likely has brain damage and has been living misunderstood his entire life and it breaks my heart that nobody in his family thought about this over all these years.
He is 34 and essentially hasn't left home because he can't take care of himself and would end up living on the streets. Everyone blames him of being lazy and unmotivated, but I'm seeing it very differently now. Reading about TBI and hearing other people's experiences with it has been immensely helpful and reassuring. It is much harder for me to be upset knowing this. Did you ever find a support group? I so am in same position. However some people with acute brain injury. I have found this.
The blog of the Brain Injury Society of Toronto (BIST)
He uses his brain injury. He holds his do called mates in higher esteem to me. I have put my life on hold for him. And its all gone out the window.. I feel I have lost. He won't help himself.. His bad influence so called mates. I work hard to keep body and soul together.
I am not going. He says I'm first. But I don't feel it. I'm bottom of the shit heap.. Its beyond all exasperation. I told him to leave I'm so. I am mental health nurse. Beyond all my comprehension. In another couple of weeks. I have to throw the towel. And live my life. Going to be easy. May be this is necessary.
Couples' Relationships After Traumatic Brain Injury
For him to realise. I can't take it. It will be over. I guess I have had the Realization.
If someone is permantly broken.. And refuses the help. And keeps repeating same. And puts his friends above me. I'm angry and hurt.
After meeting someone you like, you might want to get to know him or her better. Dating can be confusing for most anyone, including persons with brain injury. PhD from the National Resource Center for Traumatic Brain Injury (NRC). Marital stability after brain injury: An investigation and analysis. The Journal of Head Trauma Rehabilitation, 26(1), Posted on BrainLine April 12, I was dating my boyfriend for six months and we fell madly in love and moved in together.
And his family But. He takes no notice. Its all been a waste of my time and energy. I'm not wasting any more. I hope people read this. Are going through there own hell. Who are on the receiving.