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Mostly, though, I want you to hold back from comparing, contrasting, or relating your current date to any of your former partners. Nothing makes a person who's genuinely interested in you feel worse than hearing, "My ex-boyfriend used to take me to this place all the time," or "I was so in love with my old girlfriend.
Remember that your past is in the past for a reason. For your own safety, be cautious not to volunteer too much information about yourself, your income, your home, etc. After all, this is someone you met not too long ago and still don't know very well. This may seem like common sense, but you'd be surprised at what can slip out as you're chatting away!
They'll come to know these things in time, of course, but only after a certain level of trust is established. Do compliment your date.
This holds true for women, too, who should tell their date that they look handsome and that their outfit is a great choice. Both genders deserve to be empowered equally. What makes us incredible beings is our ability to uplift others with only a few words. For this reason, we become bound to the people who strengthen our spirits. What is attractive to your date beyond any physical beauty you may possess is the beauty of your soul.
Let that shine without filter. Pick one thing that strikes you about your date--their hair, shoes, eyes, voice--and point out to them that you appreciate this detail. Watch as an unexpected smile spreads across their face. Ladies, you're there for a date, not a pageant.
Even if you're a professional makeup artist, go light on the makeup--men want to be hypnotized by your eyes, not bewildered by your triple-decker eyelashes. And gentlemen, maybe you can save the suit and Rolex for your next business meeting. If your date sees you dressed in a way that's not reflective of your true self, their impression of you will be wrong. The simpler you are on the outside, the more accessible you become on the inside.
If your date does end up becoming your partner, they will see you at your best and worst anyway. Do ask the important questions. There are certain questions that need to be answered before the date is over. Time is a precious commodity so before setting up the next meeting, make sure you're well aware of your date's founding principles. Get a clear understanding of their morals, achievements, aims, future visions, and belief system not religion. Do address the important issues without making the date seem like an interview. Take turns discovering the essence of each other and being intrigued by each other.
Don't complain or be rude to others. Nothing is a bigger turn off to a man or a woman than a chronic complainer. Beware of a date who's rude to the staff or who insults another person. A woman who's quick to call another woman a bad word may be subconsciously jealous or have low self-esteem.
And a man who talks down to the waitress may do the same to you one day.
Be conscious of how your date describes the circumstances of their life: Are they thankful, or full of complaints? Ideally, you should be with a person who possesses the same tenacious optimism and positive force as you do. This holds true for you, too: Close attention, at that. Like Gigi and the dentist pen in He's Just Not That Into You , using weird excuses to bump into someone for no real reason is actually creepy.
This actually happened to someone I know — very creepy. At the start of a relationship, it is definitely better to show your true personality rather than try to impress someone by acting out of character. But with that said, there is a difference between doing you and just getting way too personal way too fast. That is definitely not starting things out on the right foot. When you are in that stage of talking to a guy where you can seriously see yourself being with him, it is easy to get wrapped up in his cute quirks and the things he likes.
But don't let your crush become the focus of your every thought. Maybe he likes to wear Nantucket Reds; okay, you think it is cute. But try not to hold your breath every time some guy on the street passes you wearing the same shade of salmon. First of all, this is GW, so that would happen a lot. And second of all, it is unhealthy to obsess over someone that is not even exclusively yours yet.
If you have only been talking for a few weeks and you already have doubts, it is important not to just push them aside. I am not saying to go crazy over every tiny detail — for example, a friend of mine once stopped seeing someone because he did not eat vegetables — but if something does not feel right, you should trust your intuition. If a guy does not treat you well from the beginning, it is just not logical to expect that he is going to get better with time.
You owe it to yourself not to compromise what you want in a boyfriend just because a guy who's close enough is interested and happens to be right in front of you. One aspect of this is avoiding the double text; if you text him and he does not immediately reply, this does not mean you should text again. Yes, maybe the message did not go through. Or maybe he is in class and not currently checking his phone.
You do not want to be the person responsible for flooding someone's inbox; that is a little overeager. You also do not want to be the person responsible for 25 missed calls in the course of one night — it happened, and it was a tad overbearing. Worry about the future. One of the best parts about a developing relationship is its casual newness.
There is no real pressure to make any big decisions about becoming exclusive or committing to each other as long as you are both just having fun and enjoying the chance to explore your relationship. With that said, it is not always easy to stave off thoughts of a happily monogamous future together.
Just don't let wondering about where things are going ruin where they are in the moment. There are many reasons not to do this.
First of all, being gossiped about in real life is not as enjoyable as Blair Waldorf makes it seem. Second of all, if you would not want your guy telling his friends personal details about the time you spend together, you should think about that before you regale your girls with a play-by-play of your coffee date and when he kissed you afterward.
Finally, if things do not work out with the guy you have been seeing, the fewer people who knew you two were dating, the fewer will ask you about it. Listen too much to other people. Obviously, your friends have your best interests at heart.