Dumbest online dating profiles

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4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever

I just had to convince them that she was the latter. My new goal was to get these men to stop messaging her back. I was going to make AaronCarterFan come across as so abhorrent that not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos would respond to her.

Want to guess how well that worked? I'll give you a hint: I'm confiscating everyone's penis until further notice. In trying to convince these men that they're better than this, my first strategy was to just say horrible shit. These messages are natural extensions of her profile, confirmation that you do not, I repeat, do not want to know this woman. OK, I get it. These men don't care about her personality; there is no lower limit to how deeply repulsive she can be on the inside, as long as she's hot.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, sure, but I guess that's how it is. But what if meeting her would have clear, lasting consequences? What if there was no such thing as a one-night stand with her? What if the effects of coming into contact with this woman were devastating and permanent? I'll level with you, readers: This wasn't so much a tactic as it was a result of the mental and emotional toll this social experiment was taking on me.

After reading messages from men who apparently had just slapped their semi-erect penis on their keyboard a few times and pressed "send," my already flimsy grasp on reality was loosening. Preparing response strategies and putting words into a coherent order wasn't an option for me anymore, so I decided to turn that into its own strategy.

13 Worst Dating Profiles Ever (From the Pictures to the Bios)

I'd tried mean-crazy, I'd tried life-destroying-crazy; I might as well try crazy-crazy. There are any number of cynical conclusions I could draw from the results of this experiment. For example, I could extrapolate from my data that men have been so deeply socialized to value women solely on their appearance that many of them seem unable to take any other aspect of who she is, such as intelligence or capacity for self-reflection or suffocating douchiness, into account. Or I could follow my first instinct as these messages began to roll in, which was to invest in a high-quality chastity belt and start collecting cats.

But rather than follow these results into the darkness, I'll stay optimistic and instead offer an impassioned plea. Men of the world: You are better than this. I know many of you would never message AaronCarterFan, but many of you would, and a whole bunch of you did. You're better than that.

There are women and men out there who are smart, and kind, and challenging, and honest, and a lot of other really positive adjectives. You don't want someone who will pull out your teeth and then sue you for child support; you deserve someone who will make you want to be better than you are, and will want to be better because of you. You deserve happiness, and love, and adventure. Figure out how to be happy with who you are and then look for someone who makes your great life even better. And most importantly as became my mantra every time I checked her inbox:.

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Are you a fan of money, everlasting glory, but really just money? We want to give you that! Particularly the money part. Even if these guys were somehow able to meet with an imaginary, digital woman, science bets they probably couldn't seal the deal anyway. Feeling safer yet ladies? When we talk about not taking the mystery and intrigue out of a date, we usually think of ladies wearing too little or young guys that write their life stories and future dreams into their profile. Make no mistake, those over a certain age can take the mystery right out at first blush too. Not everyone knows about the all caps rule, right?

But everyone knows that religion and politics are sticky subjects to bring up before you even meet your date. Look, dude, we get it. Actually, this guy that looks like he could absolutely hold down an unwilling victim easily is doing us all a really big favor. That shows poor impulse control. That is a warning. His attempt at humor points out that he hit his victims. The ball is in our court with this one, ladies. I suggest taking that ball and running for the nearest exit as fast as you can. Again, you have been warned! What more do we need to know, Apples?

What more do we need to know? What are your hobbies? What is your career? Do you like long walks on the beach? The cute, freckled, girl-next-door look is ruined by two things. First, calling your parents names is a no-no.

More Photoshops

That screams of family issues and that can get your profile overlooked faster than promising to not murder your dates which you think would be a good thing or promising to save their souls see both examples above. Putting an apple in your mouth is reminiscent of the succulent roasted pig appreciated at cookouts, and honey, you deserve so much more than that comparison.

Clearly, you are cute and have a sense of humor, so show your true self. A couple of years ago, a story floated around the Internet about a woman that set up a profile just so she could eat at fancy restaurants and have her date pick up the tab. Stories also abound about men that date beautiful women, but turn out to be nothing but dine-and-dashers, leaving their date with nothing but disgust and a huge restaurant tab.

Rachel is not this type of girl. Inexplicably , Conspiracy Man went for most of his life without the carnal knowledge of a member of the opposite gender. It can be tough to find a mate when most of what you believe flies in the face of generally accepted, scientifically proven, peer-reviewed, facts.

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Very much out there. How will this date take place? Here we have a prime example of what NOT to do when setting up your profile. If you are on an online dating site, you are already sending a very clear message that you are in the market for a girlfriend or boyfriend. Lonely Eric seems to have missed this point and has completely overstepped the line between looking for a date and looking like a dude that is going to cling to you like superglue.

Begging for a date is never a good idea and his profile gives zero hints about his personality, likes and hobbies. The desperation in this profile is sad. Take some photos of yourself doing the things you love, like playing fetch with your cute puppy. Well, what have we here?

Worst Online Dating Fails, Stories, and Bad Profiles

Oh, be still my beating heart! Of course it could! Ladies, you have to change to get with this hot slab of man meat. How is it even possible that this pensive Romeo is single at 39? Who could resist the heap of lying douchebaggary that this profile presents? Jake is so random and unflappable that you are assured of a good time.

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His dates are so, like, totally intense, you know? He demonstrates a remarkable lack of concern for your safety by romantically putting candles in his Kia. Is this man confusing or is he just confused?

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