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The older men get, the younger the women they message relative to their own age. Women, on the other hand, message and respond most often to men about their own age. Once they reach 35, women actually respond more often to younger guys. But because men are usually the conversation starters, the older-man-younger-woman paradigm prevails. Alright, so maybe OkCupid en masse follows dating age conventions, but what about those women who want to flip the norm on its head? How difficult is it for them to date a younger man?
What I found was kind of surprising. When men message women, women tend to respond most often to men around their own ages. A year-old woman will have better luck messaging a year-old man than a year-old one, according to the data. And a year-old man is more likely to respond to a message from a year-old woman than a message from any other age group. When women make the first move, the age gap dating norm is reversed. I asked my friend Trevor, a year-old mathematician, what he made of it. Looks and their bodies. Ever wonder why rich old guys get younger attractive girls.
That's the only reason. Someone attractive with a nicer body then girls their own age. Plus the girls will stay attractive for longer since they're younger.
Actually I have thought about this alot. First a man should like at a young girl for what she is. A young girl with her entire life and future ahead of her. Your is already on tract to where your going, Why do you think at 35 you should try to date a girl like this. Yes they are attractive but beyond physical what is there for both of you. Personally I think a man has some character issues if you are in this situation.
Not making any sort of excuse on this one.
Single men at my age group have a far more difficult time finding women our age who is single, no kids, never married, no more than 3 divorces, no hangups and genuinely interested in men at all. Add in to the factor men who are not a "yes" type and it's sucks gall bladders with pickle juice for older men. Can't tell you how many women my age gave up on men altogether, or interested but the man better be tall, wealthy, fit, handsome and obedient to her will. Just when a man's cannot find anything at all: Do you see the social trap?
Also, my sister told it to me best why girls like older men in no particular order: Not saying I like this mess, I just live on this planet. It's not a simple answer. First off there's the raw animal attraction part of it. To quote Dr Phil, "men fall in love with their eyes first". We're visually stimulated first and foremost and the things we're naturally attracted to have a lot to do with a woman's reproductive ability. I believe she deserves to have someone at her level, with her popular cultural background, who she can have as a friend as well as a lover. An older man is fun, and exciting, and interesting, but my opinion, for what it's worth - not for your first.
Especially if he's conflicted. Are there circumstances where that age gap could work? But not when you're a virgin.
Believe people when they tell you who they are. This guy is telling you in 5 years time, you'll hate him. I think there's a part of you that wants to help him and persuade him that you'll never believe that, and prove to him that he's a good guy. Actual good guys don't do that, they're just awesome. There are power dynamics with such a large age gap - these are in his favour. The fact he wants that to be your problem not his is a massive screaming red flag.
It sounds like he's giving himself a list of excuses so if he does hurt you, he can persuade himself he warned you. Listen to his warnings. So I'm actually the 20 yr old asking here, but I just wanted to get your perspectives on what may be going through the older guy's head because he is very conflicted Actually, this guy doesn't sound that conflicted anymore.
Yes, he had been sending you mixed signals in the past. But right now, he seems to be clearly expressing that he does not want to date you. I think you need to move on from this one. If he can't enthusiastically get his head around dating you for whatever the reason, you deserve better. Between 20 and 34 you will change a lot hell, you'll change a lot between 20 and But by 34, he is pretty much where he's going to be.
The worry with age gaps like that is it's very easy for the much older person to unduly influence the growth and development of the younger person, whether conscious or subconsciously, because the younger person is so very malleable at that point.
Once they reach 35, women actually respond more often to younger guys. It is NOT your fault that he came on so strong and inappropriately, so don't take on his burden by now downplaying what happened. Is dating in middle school really as horrible as people say? The second reason is mid-life crisis. Even then though, as a partner who is so young and inexperienced, you will be pretty much defined by your not yet developed boundary setting skills and lack of judgment or context for things that aren't so great about him. Cindy has been dating men in their 20s for the past 15 years.
It would be hard for anyone his age who's been sexually active to not pressure you, simply because they're so accustomed to having sex. He's been having sex, legally drinking if you're in the US , living independently, all of that for years. He has definite ideas of how he likes to do things and what he wants. Because he's sure of these things and you're not it is kind of inevitable that in some way you're going to be heavily influenced by him.
If he was extremely inexperienced in relationships himself this would be a little easier since you'd be thinking about these things together.
That's not the case. This does not mean you should be ready to have sex and shack up. I think you should move on and it has nothing to do with the age gap.
He wants a long-term relationship, you aren't ready for that yet. He broke up with you for not being ready for sex yet.
And he already isn't sure about the relationship because of your age. And he's uncomfortable with taking your virginity. From your post it sounds like he just doesn't feel right about dating someone 20 years old and his concerns seem legitimate to me. There's nothing wrong with dating someone older IMO but this gentleman isn't the older person that you want to be dating. Age issue aside, it sounds like he is trying still trying to pressure you into sleeping with him by playing hard to get so you ultimately are the one who physically initiates.
Also, it sounds like he has been preparing you for when he loses interest once he does succeed. I think he's being selfish and doesn't have your best interest in mind. He wants to do right by you; he doesn't want to make false promises to get into your pants. This has become increasingly true as he's got closer to you. He isn't entirely clear on what you're waiting for. Maybe you're waiting for a serious expression of commitment from him.
But he's getting near the limit of what he can promise in good faith. Maybe you're waiting for something he can't offer, but you haven't worked that out yet. Maybe you want a disney prince charming or a calvin klein model to light an instinctive fire in your loins. He figures if that was going to happen it would have happened by now.
Maybe it's something else or you aren't sure what you want. If it's 2a or 2b he figures if he persuades you to lose your virginity to him he'll be short-changing you - that you'll be thinking well, I was hoping for more, but I might as well settle for this guy. He doesn't want to do that because of 1. If it's 2c he figures someone older might have thought more about what they want and might be able to clearly articulate it - or they'd have already lost their virginity and he wouldn't have to over-think this plate of beans. Or don't, I mean, it's not the end of the world to have a little heartache, but still, this is such bad news.
It's gotten to the point where this kind of behavior automatically makes me lose a huge amount of respect for the person who is doing it because I've had such shitty experiences with guys like this in the past. I think you could do a lot better and are getting caught up in the "will we or won't we" excitement that he's generating, and it sounds like a bit of a waste of time.
You're aligning your actions on a lot of coulds. Yes, you could be miserable in five years time. But how will you ever know?
When I was 39 years, 3 months, and 16 days, a girl I had known for about 3 years asked me on a date, she was 18 years, 1 month, and 6 days old. I was her first. imma 20 yo woman dating a 32 yo man and i could not agree with you more. it's so good I'm a 23 year old male dating a 37 year old female.