Istj and infj dating

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ISTJs are one of the most loyal people you could find out there. We've always stood for each other and do whatever is needed to do to protect one another. Reciprocity is shown through actions and loyalty. Maybe that's why I've yearned for an ISTJ man long ago was tired of wishy washy people I was often surrounded with , but little did I know that I'd learn hard lessons through such an experience.

The bad thing was that she didn't approve of him and also had a tendency to control my life, as much as he did. They were completely in control of my life every day. I have nothing bad to say about him as a person, it's just that after some time I felt as if I was being completely controlled by him. My whole life was controlled by him - what and when I do it, when we talk, when I should go to bed, if I should drink or not, if I should study this or not I know he only had the best intentions, but his best intentions were limiting me in reaching my goals which were very ambitious.

What do ISTJs want from INFJs?

It was me who broke up with him, because I noticed he was limiting me in everything, practically. I've even expressed in a subtle way that I don't like all that. I've been doing that for months and he didn't do anything about it, he would just be angry about me expressing myself about it. Which made me avoid the direct way of communicating, because I guess he would have hold a grudge and thrown toxic arrows at me whenever he'd have a chance to. He also wasn't very receptive of my suggestions on changing certain stuff, on trying out new things in life He didn't really like it whenever I read books in his company, even though he'd also do a very introverted activity at the same time.

Last edited by Necrilia; at It is not going to be sparks flying everywhere like two intuitive people would have Ni-dom dating a Ne-dom. If you have an established relationship not just eyeing each other with an ISTJ, it's mostly a stable and functional one. My brother is an ISTJ. We have a cordial relationship but we are not close.

We respect each other's strengths but we are also aware of each other's short comings. I had dated an ISTJ. It's the same sensation. He has qualities that I don't and admire and vice versa. On the positive side, it is what makes an ISTJ sticking to tasks they are nothing if not persistent.

The other side of the coin is that it is hard to change an ISTJ's mind. The ISTJ guy broke up with me because his impression of me was established the first time he met me 4 years ago. It was also why our association was on and off. He liked me but he could not shake off that impression. I only knew about it when I got the walking paper.

My brother has the same tendency. He saw me as a slacker since we were children. If you want to be with an ISTJ, you have to be prepared to yield to his wish more often than not not saying his wishes would be bad or not beneficial to the relationship. INFJs can be a wonderful wing man. Last edited by chanteuse; at Necrilia thanked this post. Last edited by jamaix; at Never worked or appealed to me, for reasons listed above. I was in a bad relationship for 8 years, and when I finally left, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I thought I would have to be alone for the rest of my life, but at least I was no longer missing something fundamental and no longer wishing for "more. I wish to be with him forever, to have another healthy baby with him, and to watch our kids grow up and have kids of their own. I want to just be with him, to experience life with him, to keep talking and connecting and loving with him. I think this desire to connect deeply is something we need and crave on a fundamental level. I think you will feel more alive and fulfilled with someone naturally on your wavelength, rather than stretching yourself to fit someone else.

We are iNtuitive Feelers, and we follow our hearts. I've been married to an ISTJ for over a decade. It doesn't work easily, but it can work.

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Which means there is balance. It's extreme and it takes work, but there are also benefits. My ISTJ keeps me tethered to the ground, and I pry his death-gripped hands off the ground and drag him out of his comfort zone. He keeps me from making totally flaky decisions and I keep him from staying in his total rut. I see the big pictures and he fills in the details that I overlook. An ISTJ will never meet all your emotional needs, and it's not fair to demand that of him.

It just isn't there. I get that connection through friendships. What an ISTJ will give you is stability. They are stability personified. You can always count on him, and you'll always know what you've got. I don't know how old you are, but the older you get, the more attractive stability tends to be.

One thing you have to learn about an ISTJ is that they have no intuition. He will never guess what you need or know what's wrong. Also, any complications you have now will be amplified at least ten thousand times if you have children. And talking through all those things now may not even work, because you are likely to change your mind when you have an actual child and your gut is telling you something you weren't expecting. Basically, what you see is what you get.

This is who he is. This is who he will always be. If you love who he is, and you're both willing to put in the work, it can work out.

Welcome to Reddit,

But don't expect him to magically change, and don't expect him to fulfill all your needs. An ISTJ is about as constant as it gets.

The Case for an INFJ and ISTJ Romance

Well, I couldn't agree more with your comment CarnivorousG. They're about as constant as it gets. Together moved in after a week for almost 13 years, 10 year anniversary coming up. It's everything I wanted to say after I read your post. It can work out. Try to make compromises don't always compromise yourself.

Like, decide that every other weekend you go on a date. First, you decide what you guys do, then on the next date he gets to choose. So you can decide on doing something adventurous and he can decide to stay home, cook a nice nice dinner and watch a movie.

My therapist once said: It can be extremely frustrating, but I'm willing to sacrifice the emotional needs for stability, trust and great friendship. I was in a relationship with an ISTJ for a while. There's just so long you can go without true intimacy. He's a great guy and were still friends, but we are much happier now.

He is with an S type and I'm with an N type. She's constantly depressed after years of having her emotional needs totally shunned - even now when I try to talk to her on an intuitive level, you can see a spark in her eyes, she totally reacts to it, but she's been trained not to for years so she's so unsure of what to do. Information Gatherers This pairing is good if one person needs someone up in the air and the other needs someone who is grounded.

When it seems to be abstract, bizarre, or theory based -- let the INFJ take the wheel. They can creatively get to a proper solution. They are empathetic and make for great counselors.

What do you think of this pairing?

Go on quiet dates, not loud ones with too much variety that gets you both distracted. Too much stimulus can be the bane for introverted information seekers; they'll enjoy the date, but they might not be getting a direct dosage of who you are. Don't be afraid that your relationship progress might be slower than other couples. You have personalities that don't like to rush and screw everything up into a big, nasty, and prolific mess. The INFJ wants to be enjoyed. Keep asking questions to try to understand.

It's okay if either one of you are shy. An INFJ needs to be comfortable that people have pasts. Those pasts do not necessarily effect you. If you feel in your gut that things are not right, then don't hesitate to break up.

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