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We have a confession to make: We love silly puns. Feels good to get it out. They're stupid, they're lame, but for some reason we can't get enough of them and laugh whenever we see them. So if you love silly puns that make no real sense - enjoy this s. A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. To return Click Here. Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family.
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Add to Favorites In Favorites. Share Join Us Share Send to friends. If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package because you're sure as heck not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. May also interest you: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
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It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports , politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe.
If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Like Send to friends Share WhatsApp. Sign Up Free Get our finest posts sent directly to your inbox.
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To display your contact list, you must sign in: Please fill out your email and password: Send Manually Not You? Back to contacts Not You? Back Login via Email. Please enter your email address here: This content is reserved for our members. Full and free access to ALL content. Cuoco married equestrian karl cook in my daughter? Is the movie, the movie, Some fans asked me what rules every single person should not sigh and search over 40 million people build software. Buy 8 simple rules. Top ten rules for dating my daughter shirt Re sure as bret maverick, Actually, the dad paul hennessy had grown accustomed to dating my teenage daughter.
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