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I think it could be unwise for women to assume we can resist sexual temptation. Many a young girl has been caught off guard by intense feelings and made a decision she regrets. Hi Nick, thanks for your comments. I agree that there are lots of opportunities for Christian couples who want to sleep together to do so, without having to travel together. However, I would think that the lack of accountability and setting tends to make that struggle for purity more difficult assuming again they want to be pure.
So many people are in a holding pattern, too scared to commit but too deeply invested to break up. Also, it still stands what Pete said about being above reproach and setting a good example for both younger Christians and for your non-Christian friends. While that does appear to put more emphasis on the appearance of purity than on purity itself, they are both important things to be working towards. I have also noticed an increase in the attitude between young christian unmarried couples that being engaged is a committed relationship therefore sex is ok.
THEY are the ones that need to do some reassessing.
FYI i am catholic, so are both my parents. Then why should it be killed? Abortion is always wrong, except when the baby is actually endangering the life of the mother. It causes both emotional and physical problems either immediately or later in life. Hi Jess, I am sorry if I have come across or have represented that nasty strand of Christianity that you seem to find paranoid, close-minded and hypocritical. Thanks for posting up your thoughts. How could you say that you are Catholic and go against everything that the Catholic Church teaches?
Firstly, abortion is never okay — killing of an innocent unborn child is definitely in the Ten Commandments and there are no exceptions to the foundation of the teachings of the Catholic Church nor in the foundation of Christian Teaching. Purity is strongly encouraged and a must not because religion is rigid, but because it is the best gift of love that a couple can give one another.
The Catholic Church is against pre-marital sex and strongly encourages purity and self-control before and after marriage. Sex is a loving commitment to one another with the intention of giving life.
I really agree with Pete in all his points against Christian couples not holidaying together. We are told to imitate Christ always, do you see Jesus Christ being a minimalist? Jess, you say that marriage is just some signatures on a certificate? Marriage is a sacrament, a sacred act from God between a man and a woman who consent in giving themselves to each other and each other only for the rest of their lives — for better or worse.
It is a promise between them and a promise to God who blesses and watches over their commitment to one another.
I am Catholic and go ask your Parish Priest or Bishop if you have any questions, because you clearly do not know your faith very well. Very well though out reply. I agree with Pastor Pete, and you also.
I realized that no one has yet talked about your first point. The faith that we preach of is not faith in each other. I have faith in God that he has control over everything and His plans are not to harm me Jer Even though we are fallible and not worth of trust, He made us worthy through His blood and through His grace.
I believe that Pastor Pete is preaching not based on His righteousness or His own merits but solely on the grace and righteousness of God. Not by his own authority but by HIS authority which is through the word. Do you think that the same rules should apply to everyone? And like a marriage relationship, though there are certain basic rules such as no cheating, most of it is lived out in pursuit of wisdom and love.
But I would prefer if objections can be made on the basis of the Bible and simply upon personal experience or preferences. Any adult couple can quite easily be alone together as much as they want without others realising, wether they are on a holiday or not. While all the above advice is good, it applies all the time. Your sexual purity is only really of interest to the church when it is in the public eye as a holiday is generally known about by quite a few people.
Changing your heart isnt as important to the church as obedience.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a cellotonica.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. QUESTION: Is it okay for an unmarried man and woman to go on vacation together? SHE SAID: Technically, there is nothing wrong with an. A lot of dating couples in our church go away on trips and holidays together. [My boyfriend] and I were wondering about doing the same but are.
The same goes with rules about what music and movies to partake in. Thanks for those comments. I agree with you and think that there are broader things to consider from the standpoint of actually caring for and pastoring unmarried Christian couples. I think we need to be careful of demonising things that may very well be innocent.
David, a brother in the UK. Let me give you a practical example. June 1, at Yes it affords us some protection against the emotional pain of intimate relationships, but in turn it deprives us of the joys of these same relationships. Treat your relationship like that betrothal — a commitment to become married unless your girlfriend does something that is biblical grounds for a divorce like adultery.
Perhaps we need to normalise healthy platonic relationships between men and women, and start stomping on gossiping and looking for demons under every bed? Start in the church. Encourage the best and support when things are not the best instead of trying to develop more rules to regulate or punish the wrong before they even are wrong!
It is very unhelpful, pushes people away from the church and undermines one of the key characteristics of church fellowship — to come together as broken sinful creatures to celebrate the restorative action of Jesus Christ. We can, with confidence and with no one to doubt us, say that we kept ourselves pure until the day we were married at least physically!!
If they do, then the expectation is that they step down. Should we murder so as to stave off the despicable approach of pleasures..? I believe the grammar of the sentence is different Tele…. The idol of pleasure in this case is something that pleases and satisfies the flesh and refuses to glorify God.
Hi Pastor Pete, thanks for the great advice and reminder. I agree with what you said and being in a dating relationship myself, I have forgone holidaying with my bf alone for the reasons you stated. Having said that, it IS hard! Nonetheless, yes, travelling can wait because what is of far more importance, is seeking to please God. And yes, I admit it can be easy to have a minimalist approach. But the questions then is: Or the more important question is: I do struggle with it in my mind but I know the grace of God is more than enough for me.
And yes, it definitely does not apply merely to holidaying alone but every aspect of your dating relationship. Its worth it, cause your relationship with God is worth it, it cost God his only Son cause He loves us so much! I find it a bit strange that people who clearly do what they want, have a great need to justify what they are doing. This is the key. Because we know it is wrong, and being humans and not animals means we can choose not to act on physical urges if we decide not to.
Can you trust yourself and your partner? But I think most christians have good self control, and getting married just so you can go on a holiday is really the wrong reason. Sometimes a holiday is the place where two people really get to know each other without the distractions of others, and find out if they are the right one to marry or not.
Do you really think that most Christians have good self-control? Christians are still human, which means they still struggle with temptation just as any non-Christian does. I think the other point pete was trying to get as aswell is not to be a stumbling block for anyone. Whilst I see you have thought about thoroughly, I think you are overanalysing.
I have done this before and did not find that there was any significant increase in temptation. In fact it was a great way of seeing how you really appreciate a new place and deal with associated challenges and hence I recommend this to other Christian couples. Pete, thanks for taking the time to write this post.
I completely agree with you — and to be honest, your thoughts on removing someone from leadership for this made me raise my eyebrows — but after reading your argument, I have to say, I agree. Well it is for me anyway. I just want to find a Christian girl, get married within a week and kid myself that then all my problems and temptations will disappear.
I think I lack good Christian role models to mentor me. Hi David, I appreciate your honesty. I just prayed for you that you would find: Blessings from the other side of the world. I think unmarried couple holidaying together is not about whether to be unholy or holy. It is more about an issue of giving a living testimony to others particularly to non-believers. On earth, we all can be holy or unholy at any second. In fact, we have sinned since we were born. Unfortunately that status will not change until we die and what happened after we die, it depends on His grace and our faith.
I have a question, which one is more unholy, a pastor who lives 1m or 1 km or 2 km or 3 km away from Kings X? Thank you very much Pete. Your article is very helpful and I think reflects what Jesus would want of us. When we are involved with the Overseas Christian Fellowship OCF in Sydney in 90s, we had similar issues and some folks thought we were being ultra-conservative in our approach. We really need to be praying and meditating on what it means not to conform to the pattern of this world but to have our minds renewed and lives transformed so that we might be living sacrifices in worship to God.
If God is real..
I never had time to think about why God made me a certain way. All I knew was I needed to find out whether this God or Jesus person was real. Praying that you would meet your heavenly Father, Creator, Friend and Saviour!