Terrible online dating profiles
Contents:
Sadly, for them, the online dating world is just as vicious and cruel; and even worse, it has a lot of pathological liars and weirdos who feel comfortable showing their true selves when hiding behind a computer. Take a look at some of the weirdest online dating profiles in history, and prepare to get a good laugh out of them! If you think you've heard this line before, it is probably because you most likely have heard it before.
Remember a chubby, green ogre who once was determined to rescue the princess trapped in a tower guarded by a mean, yet pink and sexy, dragon? Yeah, I'm talking about Shrek, of course. One of the most famous lines of the movie includes an explanation from Shrek to Donkey of how ogres are just like onions:. Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs We both have layers.
You know, not everybody like onions. You know what ELSE everybody likes? Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait. You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! So, is this person saying they're Shrek? Or just a non-famous ogre? Either way, comparing yourself to an onion is probably not the best way to get a date, online or offline. This wife-thief is no joke.
Well, according to his profile, he is no literally a wife-thief, but when married women are with him, they just seem to forget their wedding vows — how convenient. So, wait, is he saying that he's been a part of adulterous relationships in the past? Thank you for asking.
Not only is this weirdo perfectly comfortable being a home wrecker of sorts — I mean, there is nothing in his profile that specifically states that those cheating, married women ever broke their families up for him — he also likes overalls. That's nothing short of a deal breaker, obviously. At this point, who the hell knows? The internet is a weird, weird place. When you read the words, "full and immediate disclosure," you know something weird is coming.
You never want to read those words on an online dating profile — or do you? I mean, on the one hand you might be extremely surprised, grossed out or annoyed by the words following the disclosure — and no one wants that when looking for potential romantic matches — but on the other hand, wouldn't you want to know every.
Yes, yes you would. In this case, "something weird" doesn't even begin to cover the statement that follows the disclaimer on this online dating profile. But hey, at least they're being honest. And, as they say, "if it bothers you, no offense taken, move on But someone who is willing to admit that they were so dorky that they thought that the TV could hear what they were saying — as my toddler does — past the age of in some cases, well it's a keeper.
Or, you know, someone who is voting for Donald Trump. There, I said it. One might think that, with that incredibly detailed and narrow profile, this year-old would certainly know her stuff and what exactly she's looking for. Or what if he's really immature for his age? Continuing with her profile, she admits on the very first sentence that she will probably not have time for anyone Why even take the time out of her incredibly busy schedule to write this incredibly annoying online dating profile?
And hey, do you think she's hostile?
MOST READ NEWS
That's okay because she thought that about you first. We get that not everyone likes the delicate flavor of tea, and perhaps even the distaste of sunshine can be acceptable someone has to live in Alaska, after all but not liking cider? What kind of a woman are you! Oh right…the kind that could potentially stab her suitor in his sleep if he failed to respond to her text. This guy wants to put you at ease so badly that he wastes no time in putting your greatest fear to rest.
He is not going to murder you.
www.thethings.com
No way, no how. He is absolutely not going to bring a shovel — oh wait. He likes to dig.
His world, as he describes it, is magical because of all the no murdering going on. This is a man that does not have murder on his mind.
- 4 Things I Learned from the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever | cellotonica.com.
- twinkle dating site!
- single mother dating in nigeria!
- rules of dating more than one guy!
- 15 Of The Worst Online Dating Profiles Ever | TheTalko.
- 18 dating 16 law!
Feeling safer yet ladies? When we talk about not taking the mystery and intrigue out of a date, we usually think of ladies wearing too little or young guys that write their life stories and future dreams into their profile. Make no mistake, those over a certain age can take the mystery right out at first blush too. Not everyone knows about the all caps rule, right? But everyone knows that religion and politics are sticky subjects to bring up before you even meet your date. Look, dude, we get it. Actually, this guy that looks like he could absolutely hold down an unwilling victim easily is doing us all a really big favor.
That shows poor impulse control. That is a warning.
Actual examples of women's good and bad online dating profiles!
His attempt at humor points out that he hit his victims. The ball is in our court with this one, ladies. I suggest taking that ball and running for the nearest exit as fast as you can. Again, you have been warned! What more do we need to know, Apples? What more do we need to know? What are your hobbies? What is your career? Do you like long walks on the beach? The cute, freckled, girl-next-door look is ruined by two things. First, calling your parents names is a no-no.
Worst online dating profile photos of all time
That screams of family issues and that can get your profile overlooked faster than promising to not murder your dates which you think would be a good thing or promising to save their souls see both examples above. In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, "Yes, I'd like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I'm given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person.
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair:. My wonderful friend Rae agreed to let me use some of her Facebook photos for this profile. Only that last bit is relevant here, I guess. I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality. The captions on her photos were just as draped in red flags as her profile was, so there's no way they were totally clueless as to how awful she is, but sure, I figured, maybe she'd get a couple of messages a day from people with especially low reading comprehension.
OK, I thought, pouring myself a stiff drink as I prepared to sift through these messages from actual, living men with functioning central nervous systems. Maybe none of them read her profile, or maybe they thought that she was fun-crazy instead of actually-ruin-your-life crazy.
The Profile
I just had to convince them that she was the latter. My new goal was to get these men to stop messaging her back. I was going to make AaronCarterFan come across as so abhorrent that not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos would respond to her. Want to guess how well that worked?
I'll give you a hint: I'm confiscating everyone's penis until further notice. In trying to convince these men that they're better than this, my first strategy was to just say horrible shit. These messages are natural extensions of her profile, confirmation that you do not, I repeat, do not want to know this woman. OK, I get it. These men don't care about her personality; there is no lower limit to how deeply repulsive she can be on the inside, as long as she's hot.
It's a bitter pill to swallow, sure, but I guess that's how it is.
But what if meeting her would have clear, lasting consequences? What if there was no such thing as a one-night stand with her? What if the effects of coming into contact with this woman were devastating and permanent? I'll level with you, readers: This wasn't so much a tactic as it was a result of the mental and emotional toll this social experiment was taking on me.
After reading messages from men who apparently had just slapped their semi-erect penis on their keyboard a few times and pressed "send," my already flimsy grasp on reality was loosening.