Online dating doesnt work anymore

I’m struggling to find love through online dating

---

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Ten years is a really long time to be single. Yes, I am aware that you have a co-worker whose best friend met her husband on Tinder, like, two days after she broke up with her boyfriend of five years. The third option is rare enough to count with the fingers you have available while holding a Starbucks. And now, 10 years into being single, I do not have any interest in playing the game.

The illogical nature of online dating has always perplexed me. It took the far-fetched notion of love at first sight and made it something you were supposed to be able to find with your thumb.

There is nothing, and has never been anything, about online dating that actually connected two people. In the IRL dating world, two people are often acquainted, at least in some loose capacity, before dating, which creates, if not a respect, then a fear of consequences. Online daters have never been burdened by this. I have never had any success really connecting to someone in the span of two glasses of chardonnay.

I like to think both myself and the other party would feel more invested if we were introduced by a friend from camp. The amount of effort single people put into online dating has moved from excitement over a shiny new toy to people who can barely be bothered to move their thumb an inch to the right or left. Where once I had an inbox full of messages to respond to, now I just have an endless scroll of unresponded-to attempts at starting a conversation. What was the point in the right swipe, I wonder?

The date tally is even more shameful. I used to go on at least a date a month. I went on three dates last year. The conversations that do begin in an app fizzle out after mere moments. The only way I actually meet a human being in real life is if I put forth percent of the effort.

Post new comment

I know personally, I looked at everything: There was no energy, no butterflies, no eyes from across the room to say, "Hey, wait there's something special about this one, and we can't put our fingers on it. It was all brain, and no heart in who I decided to virtually flirt with. You literally became a resume that I could toss into the trash pile without any real thought, or feeling, which isn't how finding our potential partner should work.

Sure, whether it's real life or virtual reality, the first thing you notice is how someone looks, but in a real life, you quickly see how someone acts, moves, sounds, etc. These other important attributes are what creates someone individuality, and takes them from being just anyone to uniquely them. If I didn't like what I saw, I was quick to swipe left. No thought other than, nope, not what I think I like. Hair, eyes, skin color, height, weight all became your stats in a world where I had never used statistics to make my choice of who I might be interested in.

Yes, all those things did and do continue to play a part of who I am interested in, but online they became all I saw, and I left little room to be more open-minded than had I been meeting these gentlemen in person. Sometimes you just don't know you're best angles, and sometimes you do, which is why I always say buyer beware when it comes to what you think you're getting online. While none of these apps call themselves games, it doesn't take much effort to realize that that is exactly what they are.

Video games, if you will, where you become the player, and everyone else is the game. They say don't hate the player, hate the game, and that is exactly what ended up happening for me. I hated the game and playing only made me like myself less and less.

Online Dating Is Frustrating for Men

Going off the idea that these things are a game with rules, I quickly found myself changing who I was to best "win" at the game. I was holding myself back, I was playing up certain parts of myself, and playing down other characteristics, all so I could be more "desirable. I became who I thought I was supposed to be, not who I was.

I acted more way casual, and less emotional than I really am.

I put only the best pictures of myself out there, but not what I look like when I wake up in the morning. I filtered myself in basically every way, and took what makes me uniquely special out of the equation, so I could be more "marketable. It's dishonest, dull and way too technical for something that shouldn't be so systematic.

You May Also Like These Related Posts:

While I didn't realize this till months later, I was simply unhappy with my life. I was using the idea of dating as an escape from my own life because well, it's an easy distraction, and even easier the more venues, or apps, you have to keep the hunt alive. I don't think this is necessarily true for everyone facilitating these tools, but I do think it's way more common than many people realize. It's another numbing device in the avoidance of ourselves. Focusing your attention on others as a way to not look in the mirror, and find what is truly wrong, hurting or uncomfortable at this moment in our own lives.

It's really easy to think that when you find someone a lot of your issues will just subside or disappear, but the truth is until you start to work on you, you'll never be happy, coupled up or single. One of the hardest things to do is look in the mirror and be honest with yourself because there usually is a lot of sadness, confusion and disappointment. However, when you finally admit this to yourself, you take the first step to changing all of that.

Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work For Most Guys (And What To Do About It)

Thinking about who I could meet, having numerous conversations with multiple people and trying to keep up with all of it was exhausting. Call me old-fahsioned, but I think there is something beyond romantic about meeting someone, one person, and courting each other. Finding out about each other, focusing on just him and seeing where it could go.

Having Larry, Moe and Curly in the wings just kept me unnecessarily anxious, unfocused and a part of the three stooges. As I chatted, met and repeated each of these steps with guy after guy, and there even was one named, Guy, I found myself constantly sitting across the table from someone, who wasn't on my page. Maybe it was the guys I was swiping right to, the app I was choosing to facilitate or any other number of reasons, but it seemed like most of these men didn't actually want a relationship.

They wanted someone to have dinner, a conversation or sex with, but not actually a relationship. Winning meant different things to different people, but it never felt like there was two winners at the end of it all, and in my opinion, there is no point in taking part in anything where you don't have two winners. I truly believe it's either two winners, or two losers and the later played out far too frequently in this unwinnable game.

In the end we all have the right to do, act and say as we please, but as I had swam through the never ending pool of virtual daters, I found myself tired, numb and even more bored than when I had started. I didn't like the shallow conversations I was having to have over and over again.

I didn't like the lack of emotion that was fostered through staring at my screen for hours, and I didn't like that I felt bad day after day about not finding what I had been searching for. After being off all dating apps for about a year, I can honestly say I am more at peace with my life, my love life and myself. I have met some great guys in real life, "organically," if you will, who have showed me that there are some great ones still out there, and you don't need to be staring at your screen to find them.

Frankly, you need to be doing the opposite.

• harry and hermione hook up
• all about lunch dating
• dating site chatting
• he doesnt want to hook up
• ca dating sites
• if you are the one chinese dating show episodes