Dating with stage 4 cancer
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So we would talk and enjoy each others company and presence. At one point she mentioned that she had been diagnosed with Merkel Cel Carcinoma early in the year. Renee wanted to take me to see what a TEDx event was like on December 9. My birthday is December I decided that year I decided I wanted to have a week long non-static Universe birthday party. Wherever you would find me that was where the party would take place. Along with the invitations I sent out a list of what I wanted for gifts: Afterwards as we stood by the door of my car, she pulled me into her, said "here is your gift" and planted a kiss right on my lips.
The TEDx event was going to be January Renee told me later that that night she made a vow that we would not do anything until after the event.
Dating after a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis [Video]
That week she went in for her tests. On December 24, she told me that her cancer had metasticized. For a moment I really didn't know what to do. The length of life for someone who has Merkel Cel is three years. Because it is a rare cancer there has been little research done on it and hardly any treatment. I did have the option of backing out then and there with no hard feeling. I also was aware of how quickly this relationship came together, how wonderful it was to be this lovely woman and because of that it would be crazy to step out.
I had been with a woman who had breast cancer and learned a great deal from it. At the moment I made the decision to stay, I took 3 vows I have had spontaneous healing events in the past where I would wake in the middle of the night and find my hands on partner literally running energy into her body. I struggled with that for many years as I could not come to terms with death. If I do healing work on someone and they die, does that mean failure?
The only thing that was clear to me was that if there was a Jesus, he did not heal by technique. Renee began her treatment in January, I held her every night. We had sex every night. We spooned all night long. I would spoon her. Then when I would turn she would spoon me.
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By early February, she found out that the chemo wasn't working and decided to go an alternative route. She said she wanted to meet my friends. She asked me if I wanted money or her house.
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I didn't want to hear that. At another point she asked if I would be willing to marry her. It was too much for me to think of. One night I woke to go to the bathroom. I looked at her and the answer to my healing question arrived. We are healing whether we are living or dying.
We are expanding whether we are living or dying. At that moment I felt that this is what Jesus was all about. And why he got crucified. Around this time I received an e-mail from a close friend of her's. He said Renee was a woman who had everything. But she didn't have a man. The fact that you came into her life the time that you did is a miracle: She told me she wanted to be help in her arms when she left and that she wanted her body washed afterwards.
On taking a trip to Mexico for treatment I found her having a seizure as she was driving. We went to the ER where she had a catscan done.
It turns out their were tumors in her brain. The doc said she should begin thinking of quality of life. On getting back to LA other doctors convinced her that she should go back on treatment. While doing so, she also began wrapping up her estate with the help of very close friends.
By now I was fed up with the doctors. I vowed that I would also walk into her room full of light and hold her everytime. I would climb into bed, sit behind her, lean her body into mine and cradle her with her arms. Her doctor didn't know what to think of this. She went home and continued her treatments. She had up to then only met 2 friends of mine.
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I was with her around the clock. Someone asked me how can you do all this. For me it was second nature "This is what you do for someone you love" I rewrote "Hail Mary" and whispered it into her ear as she slept. It was the first time in my life that I really felt like a man. Someone asked me what time I thought I was at my best.
The core group around her were also incredible. Everyone played to their strengths and while all of us were struggling with our emotions are actions and response to need were pretty seamless. Hospice came in Sunday evening. By Wednesday she had gone to sleep.
They spent 26 months together before Blume succumbed to the disease in early Has lung cancer had an impact on your relationships? I did have the option of backing out then and there with no hard feeling. Cultivate your interests, your family, your friends. While I will not take blame for the how the ending evolved, I can honestly admit to myself that I am a part of the why. The core group around her were also incredible. Then when I would turn she would spoon me.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday she went to the threshold. The core group was there throughout. I would continue to whisper Mary' prayer in her ears and telling her it was ok to go. Renee left her body on Sunday, May 16, We were together for 5 months. We carried her out to her beautiful back yard and lay her on the table. I led a ceremony in the Native American tradition.
Dating with Stage IV Cancer
We undressed her, bathed her, dressed her, covered her with flower petals and left her wearing one of her favorite hats. I have 2 close friends that Renee never met and the friends had no idea of what she looked like. Renee visited them in their dream. She made her presence felt to the first girlfriend I had after passing.
Relationships, Dating, and Stage 4 Lung Cancer
One time for almost an hour. She would french kiss me a lot in the first year after she left, and sporadically since then. She appears in my dreams and every now and then I feel myself reach out to her. It is all lovely though my friend was pretty spooked by the long visit. She left me her estate. Because of that I was able to take time off to figure out what I wanted to do.
Our TEDx group is still going. And I am now in the process of starting a men's fashion line with a portion of the proceeds going to funding Merkel Cel research.
This to say that cancer was not my biggest dating obstacle. Fast forward to a year later, when my distant metastasis (stage 4) forced me to. I went into dating after cancer with one goal, a decent date, and I got far Then add the fact that I have stage 4 breast cancer, and the situation.
What I learned from Renee was that a home is important. That you should live where you are.