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By the time he left her, she could barely recognize herself in the mirror. Her heart shattered into a million pieces, she thought she would never love again. They hit it off and in a matter of 3 weeks, were hanging out pretty consistently.
Their relationship was healthy, nurturing, and it was thriving. The only thing they lacked was a label.
He needed it, and had she not been so damaged from her previous relationship, she probably would have needed it too. He began demanding reassurance and the more she resisted, the quicker he spiraled into his insecurities.
It's not crazy to want to spend your life (or even the next few years) with someone, and yet that's how the modern dating scene makes you feel. If you're lucky. And you weren't dating. But you went on dates, you kissed, and you felt what you would feel in a relationship. It was different. It was scary. You were bound by.
Unfortunately, their relationship ended a mere month after meeting. And yes, it was very unfortunate.
The magic of connection is lost when we try to define it. The focus is no longer on the growth and vitality brought forth by this intertwining of two lives; it becomes about definition. It becomes about goals and finish lines and validation for the ego.
And while we sit and map out the many markers along the way toward exclusivity, engagement, and marriage, we lose out on all the benefits of the relationship in its natural state. The spark you experience when you meet someone you connect with is there for a reason. Every connection we experience, no matter its intensity or duration, contributes to our development and personal evolution in some way.
Are you worried that without definition, that person will go sleep around? Because no one wants to hear it, except you. Or if you need it for your own peace of mind, what validation do you get out of a more clear definition of your relationship? Get out of your head, grab a rag, and wipe these expectations off of the chalkboard.
Consequently, the idea of getting into an exclusive relationship and accepting responsibility for the needs of another person can be quite scary for such people. The undefined relationship alleviates this fear by allowing one to enjoy the benefits of a romantic relationship without accepting any of its heavy responsibilities. I will entertain you, I will give you emotional fulfillment, I will satisfy your sexual desires, and you will do the same for me.
And this is when the confusing undefined relationship becomes a thing. Eventually, with unchecked expectations, misunderstandings will arise, someone will get hurt, and drama will ensue. Have a good idea of what your priorities in life are, and how a relationship fits into that agenda. Take some time to really understand what you want out of the new few years. What are your career goals?
What do you want to accomplish in your personal life? Make your expectations clear from the beginning.
Get rid of your definition of success. Humiliated and choking back tears, she left the store in a huff and headed home. However, she told me a week or so ago that Donald had spoken about making things more committed, how much he liked her, and wanted to spend more consistent time with her. Deborrah Veteran social researcher, relationship advice columnist, author and radio host. Just because the person you're with is not your official boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't mean that they are taking advantage you.
Tell your partner how often you want to spend time with them. Tell your partner how long you expect it to last. Honesty may be tough in the beginning, but it is a much better alternative to dragging things out and giving someone false expectations. Agree upon level of exclusivity.
Answer this question ASAP. Are you both allowed to see other people, and do you want to know if your partner does so? This is probably the most important question when setting expectations. Then admit to your partner that you are human, and in order to feel secure in the situation, you have needs that your partner has to acknowledge.