Dad dating after mom died
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Now he has started to call a couple by their first names, and the dates are less casual. He seems to be seeing these women several times per week. I understand my dad is lonely and is an adult without minor children. Is this something I need to come to terms with on my own, or is there a non-hurtful way to ask him to stop mentioning any women unless it gets serious? The problem is only that your ways conflict. A support group is ideal for talking about your discomfort openly, and might remove the pressure you feel to say something to your dad. Embracing that might sweeten your disposition toward cake-bearing Kathies.
Possible just to be open and honest with your dad? This is an excellent Plan B, thanks — best saved for when a sincere effort at Plan A, acceptance, falls short. Email Carolyn at tellme washpost.
Find her columns daily at www. The opinions expressed in reader comments are those of the author only, and do not reflect the opinions of The Seattle Times.
There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. I sometimes try to step back and look at both sides. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying.
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Not giving him a chance. I am a 41 yr old widower, father of three kids, daughter 8 and twin 6 yr. I want to offer some perspective based on my experiences. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. Colon cancer is a terriblw way to die and I was with her every step of the way right up to the last moment of life.
The way they gravitate towards any woman friend or family memeber is deeply sad. We are not open about things at all, but a feeling is not always easy to hide.
I expect that whether or not my daughter is 8 or 10 or 15 or even 25, she would never be supportive of me dating, let alone falling in love and she clearly is not happy and has begu acting out a bit. I was a faithful husband and am a responsible, loving father, but I after burying a brother and a wife, I know that life is too precious to waste. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure they absolutely love her by the way , and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman.
need advice — hard time dealing with dad dating someone right after my mom died
Who is a wonderful and caring person. Hope is a powerful thing and joy in the aftermath of pain can bring you back from the very depths of despair. I will continue to search for answers and hope that I find a way to help my family heal from this tragedy. Hi Meg, I am in the same situation.
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No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. I can see why I never ran into this 1st cousin. It made me sick. She would show him her new necklace or have him smell his perfume not on her wrist right in front of me. I wish I knew how to get passed this. It eats away at me every single day. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. I even find myself wishing bad things happen to her.
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Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? Meg, I know how you feel. My father started seeing another woman about 5 or 6 months after my mother passed away and the sad part is the lady has known my family for years and has been our church member for years. My dad feels that since he lost his wife, it is all about his loss; he does not realize this his kids are hurting and while I know he is lonely, his behavior is unacceptable.
He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. I know it is and my mom passed 5 months ago, but your message was as if I wrote it. It hit the mark with me.
Mom’s death, father’s new girlfriends too much for family
It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. I feel my father has betrayed me, failed to live by the promise he made mom to be there for his two girls, and his words that he would never get another woman when mom died. I feel the woman lacks the very character by doing what she had done, even though dad and my sister feel she helps him, she makes him happy. Our own happiness comes with a price and if that price is our own kids, there is nothing worth losing them.
They were the priority, my need to be with a man or re-marry, was not the priority. I am 56 and still feel the same way. I lost my mother and need my father. He is 20 again and mom has been gone for 5 months. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. Thank you for being so honest in your comments. She had dates lined up and then after the second, started regularly dating.
After 3 weeks went away to his winter home for a long weekend. Only told 1 sibling…..
I found out by mistake — totally devastated…. So sad……a horrible lesson of how not to act….. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. Her death came as a major shock to us. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. I wondered how he would ever be able to cope without my mom.
They were true soulmates. He read to her every night until she fell asleep. She always fixed his plate. They served each other in love. I was out of town on business.
Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. He was married to my mom for 52 years. My husband battled cancer for 18 months, I started grieving the moment I heard the word cancer. You have to remeber they are human. Wishing you all the best, Sarah.
I called my dad to check up on him. He told me he was upset because my younger sister had hung up on him. He made it clear that he had already made a commitment and promise to marry this woman somewhere down the road. We have been trying to talk to him. He said this woman is the only light at the end of a dark tunnel. I am just mad at him, I guess.
my mom passed away from cancer at age 52 in late April she was my best friend and it was an awful couple of years seeing her hurting. Apr 18, My beloved mother died two years ago from cancer. Knowing that he would probably date or even remarry eventually, I enjoyed A couple of months before I met “the lady friend,” I was with some friends, who inquired after my father. I am thankful for my dad's run-of-the-mill widow-meets-widower story.
The person who talked about teenage behavior is right. He has been seeing this woman.